


take a bite

by thegreatmoon



Category: NCT (Band), NCT 127 - Fandom
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is a Little Shit, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Past Lee Taeyong/Moon Taeil, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-12-28 20:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21142463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatmoon/pseuds/thegreatmoon
Summary: “grow out of this crush. i don’t want you to hurt.”“i don’t grow out of this crush, i growwiththis crush. being in love with you is a personality trait for me, moon taeil.”;lee donghyuck is simply exhilarated, fascinated, enamored, by his older brother’s best friend, moon taeil, and will do anything in his powers to convince him of his charms#S057





	take a bite

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for the amazing prompt and to my beta, ryan. and all my friends who have heard me talk about this endlessly, thanks for putting up with me. and also for the hardworking mod who made this fest come true! 
> 
> this is for hyuckil nation!
> 
> please tell me your honest opinion about it! constructive criticism is always welcome!

It’s said that the first sin ever committed by mankind was Eve’s bite on the forbidden fruit. That mere act of tasting what wasn’t allowed to her by God had given the first woman the ability to recognize the difference between good and evil. After savouring it, she would never be the same, and neither would be the world. It was a given fact her mistake had set the whole humanity outside of Edem’s walls, for a vicious circle was created. Sin generated more sin.

What Donghyuck had always wondered as he heard the myth when younger was what led Eve to give up her good life in what was paradise on earth for a simple fruit. She wouldn’t even know what it tasted like or how the fruit would change her. Still, she gave in to the serpent’s whispers and ate it.

“She’s weak!” He whined, as his mother was telling him the tale. She looked unfazed, already used to Dongyuck’s sudden exclamations, and closed the book to put it on the bedside table.

“Why do you think so?” He didn’t know back then, but differently from other mothers, she would listen to him before scolding or correcting. She allowed Donghyuck to voice his opinions as loudly as he wanted, if he kept it civil.

“Why give up heaven for nothing?”

She smiled at him, amused at the brain of a child. “Would you give up heaven for your playstation?”

“No.” He replied in a heartbeat.

“Would you give up heaven for your soccer ball?”

“No!”

Even with his intense replies, his mother didn’t look surprised at all. “Those are things you already have and know. What you don’t know tempts you much more.” Although her hands caressed his hair softly, her expression was very stern. “It’s important to know what you want from the ideal you want. Eve is not weak.”

He paid no mind to it. His mother must have known that no matter how much she listened to him, it didn’t mean he would listen to her back. She knew life would teach things she couldn’t have taught.

Hyuck went on, never being tempted by what he didn’t have. It was fairly easy overall. Being the younger child, he was spoiled rotten, and his smile never failed to get him what family bound wouldn’t. Everything he wanted and didn’t have already, was his to have. He had never faced temptation such as Eve’s. He liked to think drugs had tempted him, sometimes winning, others losing, but he didn’t have to give anything up for them.

Yet there was one day true temptation knocked on his door, as it did for every mortal. In Donghyuck’s case, it came wrapped in a shower towel, dripping wet and glowing.

Sitting relaxed on the couch as if he was in his own house, Donghyuck scrolled lazily through Netflix. He checked his phone for new messages. He hadn’t even heard the shower turning off and quiet steps coming from the bathroom.

“Hyuckie? What are you doing here?” A sweet almost choking on his giggles voice spoke from behind the couch. Only Donghyuck’s golden-brown locks could be seen from where the man was standing, as he was sprawled on the sofa, but as soon as the younger heard him saying his name he fixed his back faster than when his grandmother nagged at him to do so. He couldn’t help but turn around instantly to look at the direction the voice was coming from. Hadn’t he such fast reflexes, he would be able to stop himself, but it was a matter of instants.

There, standing near the door was a man centimeters shorter than himself and yet years older. His tanned skin was glowing and dripping wet from the shower water and the only thing that covered his body was a yellow towel hanging on his waist. He had barely used said towel on his dark brown hair since his bangs were still drenched enough to block his eyesight partially, hiding the undercut Donghyuck loved to caress. The younger’s eyes traveled from the man’s chest to his tummy, observing attentively where yellow towel met skin. If it was only centimeters lower, Donghyuck could drool over more than a belly button, even if it was a cute belly button. An awkward chuckle stopped his thoughts from twirling any further and his eyes instantly went up to meet the man’s.

“Waiting for Johnny. What are you doing here?” He felt like averting his eyes, yet he didn’t. The man’s wet bangs were probably at fault. Donghyuck might never get a chance of seeing that again. Besides, Taeil’s awkward laughs were the cutest thing and he always loved to make him smile. He had never known that he could make Taeil smile that way.

“I live here, Hyuck-ah.”

He would be shy over that answer under normal conditions of temperature and pressure. Taeil living there was more than a fact for Donghyuck, it was something he felt on his skin every time he visited his older brother. It was never a routine per say, but it rounded around Hyuck’s existence. Yet, the temperature was rather hot and pressure was high, so there was no reason for him to be ashamed.

“Really? So, that means you always come here, huh?”

Maybe because of Hyuck’s cheesy pick up line or his non interrupting gaze, Taeil averted his eyes to the ground. His cheeks were also red, either due to the shower heat or something else.

“Silly Hyuckie. I hope Johnny gets here soon to not keep you waiting.”

An easy going smile appeared on Donghyuck’s lips as he observed Taeil unsteadily standing in front of the bathroom door, but unmoving. The afternoon sun came from a window behind him and it reflected on his wet skin. He looked even more mesmerizing from where Donghyuck was standing. “He can take as long as he likes. I won’t mind.”

Taeil kept on smiling shyly. He finally made a move towards his bedroom. “I will put some clothes.”

Donghyuck’s grin grew wider. “_That_ I will mind.”

Taeil stopped midway, closer to the couch than before. His left hand held his towel very tightly at that moment. Hyuck let his eyes travel a little south before returning north and finding Taeil’s eyes staring at him back. “What’s up with you today?”

“C’mon, Taeil-hyung, stay a bit with me until Johnny arrives.” The whine had clearly startled Taeil, as his eyes grew wide. Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, daringly. He waited for Taeil’s next move patiently.

The sound of keys put everything to a halt.

“Hyuck! You got here early!” The out of breath man announced. Donghyuck couldn’t know why he was out of breath. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of Taeil yet, observing the curve of his nose and the glow in his eyes attentively. Taeil turned his head finally and the younger turned around to find Johnny dropping a box in the middle of the living room. His usually well styled black hair was a mess and he looked like he needed a good glass of water.

“You got here late…” The younger pointed out, not sparing him any smiles.

The other didn’t seem to mind, too focused on breathing. “Elevator... broke down the minute I... got here.” After he finally restored the level of oxygen in his lungs, he looked up, his eyes going instantly to the man wrapped in a yellow towel. “Hey, Ilie.”

Donghyuck’s stomach boiled with the nickname, but he remained silent. Taeil shot Johnny a smile.

“Hey, Johnny. If you don’t mind, I’ll put some clothes on now.” Johnny merely shrugged, probably confused about why he would mind that. He was completely unfazed by Taeil’s body or wet hair. He had probably seen that too many times… Donghyuck almost let his mind travel that dark path, but a wet feel on his hand kept him from it. It was Taeil’s damp hand softly over his own, warming his whole body. “Bye, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck managed to wink at him. Sometimes fast reflexes were worth something, he thought, as Taeil hid his red cheeks behind the door.

☾☼☽

There was only so much Donghyuck could put up with when the issue was discussing games. He loved his friends dearly and their bickering discussions would make him laugh, but it got on his nerves that the two of them would discuss video games when he himself didn’t play anything that wasn’t Candy Crush.

“Can we talk about me for a second?” He whined, while getting some chewy green apple candy Renjun had brought for their hang out. He had annoyingly said “they are vegan!” and given some lame explanation on why the candy was named Lilith, which Donghyuck couldn’t care less about.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in whatever weird anecdote his friend had to share, he was usually more than amused to listen about Renjun’s recent discoveries. However, that afternoon his thoughts were filled with something else. Something else was short, had a cute belly button and was wearing much less than a towel in his imagination.

“As if we don’t do that all the time.” Chenle snatched the candy from Donghyuck’s hands before he could eat them. He didn’t mind, the conversations about Overwatch were at least diverged, and he noticed the candy weirdly matched Chenle’s hair color.

“Yeah, but I have important news.”

“Is it about Johnny’s music session?” Renjun asked, getting more candy from his bag.

“Kind of-“ Before Hyuck had the chance to explain further, he was interrupted by Chenle.

“Let me guess. It’s about your little child crush.” His tone was full of debauchery and he smiled devilishly. Donghyuck was glad they were at Chenle’s house instead of a public space. He wasn’t one to get easily shy, but that specific topic left him feeling uneasy. Or whatever you call butterflies in your stomach and cheeks warming up.

“It’s not a child crush!” He shot back, sounding very offended.

Chenle didn’t even blink at his victimized tone. Being friends with Donghyuck meant he was very used to drama. “You’ve had it since you were twelve. Therefore, a child.”

Seeing his poor puppy strategy wouldn’t work on the unfazed Chenle, Hyuck simply sighed proudly. “I always had good taste.”

The green haired laughed out loud. Meanwhile Renjun watched them bicker while eating Lilith and being very entertained. “You always look like a puppy! ‘Taeil hyung, what do you want? Taeil hyung, is there anything I can do to help? Taeil hyung, you’re very kind to me!’”

Hyuck’s tanned face warmed again, along with his ears. It was pitiful having Chenle imitating his not-long-ago self in such a high pitched tone, but the worst was seeing himself so clearly in those caricatures.

Asking Taeil if he needed anything was more than a habit, it was Donghyuck’s basic instinct. The older had appeared in his life when he was twelve, the exact age you need to prove you can do anything by yourself since you’re already a man. It didn’t help that he wanted to impress him even more, for Taeil had always an aura that enchanted Hyuck, pulling him closer. He would even let the big toothed boy cuddle him when watching movies, not minding the clinginess of his new friend’s younger brother.

Being exposed that much, Donghyuck was sick. He had a bad case of Taeil fever. All things Taeil were the only topics of conversation with Chenle and Renjun, he couldn’t help but notice everything about the older, eyes wide open to perceive any small detail. Hours went by as he listed the music Taeil recommended, how messy Taeil’s handwriting was, how he often stuck his tongue out cheekily. It got to a point even Johnny got annoyed by it and told Hyuck to stop being so embarrassing.

After that low blow, Donghyuck resigned himself to only ever doing what Taeil asked him to and offering himself to help. To Johnny, it would look like he was spoiling Taeil due to his admiration, but the youngest expected that he would get his crush’s attention if he was there whenever he needed. Sure Taeil would see how Donghyuck was there when no one was, it was a foolproof plan. It didn’t work. He remained the cute big toothed younger brother.

Creating that cycle was much easier than breaking it. Taeil had gotten used to asking his younger friend for favors and Hyuck was too weak to deny. He couldn’t even help himself from offering help whenever Taeil looked near desperation. He tried being strong, not giving in to his will to be Taeil’s shining knight, but only a mere whine coming from the older would result in the younger running in his direction to offer his body and soul to help. In the end, the helpless one was not Taeil, but Donghyuck.

“Shut up, Chenle! Honestly, you two… I won’t say it.” He was sincerely upset after Chenle had played with his weak spot. He didn’t mind being pitiful for Taeil, but it hurt others could see it so clearly. It was no shock Taeil couldn’t take him seriously then.

Seeing how the bickering had escalated, Renjun finally tried to intervene. “C’mooooon, Hyuck.”

“Nope.”

Again, Chenle only shrugged, getting more candy into his mouth. “Let him be, Jun. He is the one dying to tell us.”

“I hate you, Zhong Chenle.”

“Just spill it.”

His will to fight the green haired was slightly smaller than the want to share what happened the day before, so he ignored his friend’s teasing. “First, I’d like to point out I had gotten over my child crush on Taeil.”

“Like you don’t go stiff every time you see him…” Chenle muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Shut it!”

“Keep your whines for Taeil.”

“Renjun!” Donghyuck begged his usually quiet friend, who had his mouth full of chewy green apple candy he swallowed right away.

“Chenle, let the sugar baby talk.” Renjun demanded, getting a snort from the one he was supposed to protect. “Sorry, Hyuck! I promise we won’t make more jokes. Just say it.”

“Thanks.” Donghyuck paused and looked at Chenle, expecting an interruption at any minute. The youngest remained silent, occupied with his chewy gum and so Hyuck could happily go on with a shining smile. “Okay. So, there I was, just scrolling through Netflix, no big deal, when Moon Taeil comes from the shower with only a towel to cover his body.”

The change in their expressions was instant. “How are you even alive, Hyuck?” Questioned an wide-eyed Renjun.

Chenle laughed meanly. “Oh my god, I wish I was there to see you in despair.”

It was time for Donghyuck’s smile to grow prouder. “Thing is: I didn’t panic. I just looked back at him. And you won’t guess it but, he got shy and red. He became so docile, I even flirted with him.”

Calling Taeil docile warmed Hyuck’s stomach. He had always been so untouchable in his eyes, a wild tiger, and yet now that Donghyuck cracked his code he was nothing more than a tamed sweet little kitten with fangless paws.

“What? Hyuck flirting with Taeil not by doing whatever Taeil wants?”

Renjun’s further shock only pleased him more. “I don’t want to go on an egotrip, but I think he almost melted due to my charms. Honestly, it was so good having him on the palm of my hand.”

“So, you wanna do it again?”

The idea made Donghyuck’s blood boil with expectations. “Hell yeah I wanna make Moon Taeil giggle and blush because of me. I get turned on even thinking about it.”

“I can’t believe it… Hyuck getting his sugar daddy finally?”

“I’m the sugar daddy, excuse you.”

“Taeil is still with Johnny?” Chele’s mention of the name made Hyuck’s smile drop and his temperature lay low.

“They were never together.” He instantly answered.

“You know what I mean. Are they still sleeping together?”

“How should I know?”

It was something impossible to be sure. His brother didn’t give him updates on who he was fucking. They were close, but not that kind of close. Knowing about Taeil being his fuckbuddy was an unfortunate accident that lead to puffy cheeks and tired eyes for over a week. Donghyuck wished he hadn’t seen the man of his dreams being engulfed by Johnny’s arms, their mouths moving closer and body attached to one another. He wished that had been a dream. It was only needed to ask a few questions around to know what the nature of their relationship was, what he did months after, and even so, it still cut him like a knife. Perhaps if his mind wasn’t his worst enemy, he would be alright, but he almost couldn’t sleep with the thought of his brother being the one to make Taeil moan.

“You should if you’re going to flirt so bluntly with him. To be honest, you shouldn’t even flirt with him.”

Donghyuck had no answer, but Renjun gasped. “What? He’s Hyuck’s dream man.”

“Do you think he was giggling because of you or due to your age? There’s a six years difference, he just found you cute.”

Chenle’s words had the effect of beating Hyuck up with a hammer, the latter too shocked by the weapon of choice and pain to have any reaction. That was a complete change of behavior from his friend. Before he would listen to his endeavors about Taeil with a smile on his lips, ready to mock. He would even encourage Hyuck to share his new story of how hot Taeil looked while washing the dishes or shopping online. When Donghyuck actually had a chance of going for Taeil, his friend shut him down immediately. It must have meant his chances were real.

“He didn’t. This time it was different.”

“I just don’t want you to get more feelings and expect something from him you might not get. And there’s Johnny…”

Why talk of his brother again? Why couldn’t they just talk about Taeil for once? Donghyuck was more than tired, eyes lost on the now empty bag of candy. “What about him? They aren’t a thing, I owe him nothing.”

“You’re brothers, dude, and Taeil is his best friend. You must be sure Johnny only sees Taeil as a friend and that he’ll be fine with you two, if that ever happens.” Chenle sighed, trying to meet Hyuck’s eyes but failing. “I don’t know if Taeil is worth it.”

“He is.” He didn’t make any effort to add anything. For years he had tried to grow up his child crush, thinking Taeil wasn’t worth it. He had fooled himself for so long, thinking the older had nothing special. Why would he be so infatuated by him. The butterflies in his stomach didn’t lie or die. They just kept fussing around his insides until it was impossible to fight back. If they convinced Hyuck Taeil was worth it, he didn’t have to convince anyone else.

Renjun, always so diplomatic, gently messed his friend’s hair. “I support you entirely, Hyuck. I want to see you fulfilling the most delusional of your dreams. What’s the plan?”

“Well, let’s say I will need a lot of Johnny’s hospitality.”

☾☼☽  
  
  


There weren’t many foes in Donghyuck’s life. He considered himself rather social, a skill he gained from watching his talented brother diplomatically jump from social circle to another. He wasn’t like Johnny: Donghyuck could maintain an amicable relationship with everyone, but he stayed most true to the ones he liked and those were few. Johnny, on the other hand, liked everyone. Hyuck still wondered if it was due to a lack of standards or his brother’s good heart.

Either way, he was the one who taught Donghyuck not to have enemies. Even so, the young brother did have one. A common enemy at that, but one that Johnny embraced as a friend: mornings. Mornings were simply dreadful, there was nothing he hated more than the sun telling him he should get up. Not only that, but the perspectives of being proactive after waking up were a myth. Hyuck had once walked straight into a wooden door after getting out of bed, too tired to even open his eyes, he was almost knocked over. For that reason, his classes were usually on the afternoon. He had always considered himself a night man and that wasn’t going to change.

Hating mornings or not, there stood Hyuck in the worst mornings of all, a Friday morning. Every single one of them was pitiful, but there was something about Friday mornings that hurt even more, it had a weekend flavor to it and still the person had to wake up at the sound of the alarm.

Donghyuck knew it was the best time to see his target and therefore, made the sacrifice of waking at the devil hour of 8 a.m. He took a quick look at himself through his cell phone camera before knocking on the door. Eyes were visibly tired, signs of his anxiously staying up the night before, wondering if he should go on or not with his delusional plan. Even so, his hair was fortunately in one of its good days and his lips were hydrated. He had put on some perfume too. Before leaving home he wondered if he was overdoing it and if Taeil would notice it too soon. Then he thought “I want him to notice it, damn it” and left home before he could give up.

The door was open and he was dragged from his own insecurities by the source of it. The first thing Donghyuck noticed was his hair. It was a mess, almost opposite from the last time Hyuck saw him, Taeil’s hair was now up, a clear sign he had just left his pillow. He was wearing a big loose tee shirt and shorts. Perhaps the shirt was Johnny’s. Hyuck didn’t want to think of it. Instead he looked at the shorts. As stay at home shorts they were high enough for him to spot Taeil’s plump thighs. Touching and squeezing them was one of Hyuck’s goals with the seduction plan. He cold only dream of how soft and warm they would feel against his hand.

“Good morning, Hyuckie. Johnny is not here.” Taeil informed right away, yawning mid sentence.

Donghyuck nodded, not being able to hold his known-it-all smile. “I know he isn’t, hyung. I came here to see you.”

Taeil stopped rubbing his eyes for a second. He was very sleepy, so Donghyuck considered he most probably didn’t trust his own ears at that moment. He didn’t seem so keen on waking up when he saw Hyuck, probably thinking he would tell his brother wasn’t in and make his way back to bed, but that turn of events had made him startled. “Me?”

“Yeah, wanted to hang out.” Donghyuck tapped his feet nervously, wanting to be let inside the apartment at least. He hated waiting on the doorstep to get a reaction, with nowhere else to look besides Taeil’s puffy cheeks from oversleep, his messy hair and bright half-open eyes. He almost cursed himself for not getting in with the emergency key Johnny had given him, since he lost the opportunity to wake Taeil up with smooches and cuddles… it would have been a bold move but one he would only have the guts to do to a sleepy Taeil.

Now very much awake, Taeil's gaze burned holes into Donghyuck. He arched his eyebrows, “At nine in the morning?”

“Yeah.”

Quietness struck them. Taeil would glance over at Hyuck, considering his options while Donghyuck was almost bursting with his rapid heartbeats and the burn rapidly spreading through his cheeks. Did Taeil see through his intentions that clearly? Was he being obvious? Or was Taeil merely seeing how he looked? Was he pretty? He couldn’t stand the silence for a second more.

“C’mon, I brought candy.”

Taeil winced. “I have to brush my teeth first.” He finally let Hyuck enter the apartment. It was the younger’s first step towards victory. He laid on the couch relaxingly as the older went to the bathroom. The second he came back Donghyuck had a sudden flashback when he turned his head to see him. He wasn’t dripping wet or had his torso exposed like the last time, but his exposed thighs did the job just right. Donghyuck couldn’t help but give gaze over and he could almost have sworn Taeil had averted his eyes embarrassingly as he sat down on the couch next to him. “What do you want to do?”

Hyuck had a hein on his lips at Taeil’s embarrassed posture. “You promised you’d watch a movie with me someday.”

“What do you have there?”

Donghyuck shrugged, pretending it wasn’t a big deal. “A horror movie.”

“Ah Hyuck-ah.” The nagging started instantly, but it was like the sweetest opera to the golden haired’s ears.

“Taeil-ah, it’s morning, it won’t scare you.” That wasn’t what he hoped. It was all a part of a bigger plan. Between the two of them, Donghyuck was usually the clingiest. It wasn’t a big deal, Donghyuck was the clingiest among everyone he knew. There was only one situation in which Taeil started physical affection, other than randomly when Hyuck was being particularly cute and funny: horror movies. He would easily get scared and hold himself to the closest human being there was. Usually Johnny for the younger’s own despair. The main reason why Hyuck avoided watching horror movies so often with them was he couldn’t deal with Taeil helplessly whining Johnny’s name while hugging himself for dear life, even if he had told the two that he didn’t like horror movies. However, Johnny was out there doing whatever. It was the perfect opportunity for Taeil to be the one hugging Hyuck for dear life and holding onto him for safety. Say whatever you want about Lee Donghyuck, but he was a man of strategy.

“You’re so weird!” Hyuck shrugged again. He knew Taeil would agree, so he started turning the TV. “Why this all of the sudden?”

“I don’t have anyone to watch it with. Please.”

The brown haired sighed but leaned back to the sofa, leaning close enough for the younger to feel his warmth. “Fine. If I sleep, don’t wake me up.”

“I’d never wake sleeping beauty. Only with a kiss.” He winked to him and, before Taeil could compute his answer, got up to turn off the lights.

☾☼☽

Perhaps Hyuck wasn’t as smart as he had previously thought. His mother would have laughed at him if she knew what kind of a situation he was in. She often said young people thought they knew more than they did in reality.

Hyuck’s strategy had simply considered Taeil’s clinginess towards him, neglecting other factors. Just like planned, Taeil had hugged him tightly, his hand squeezing Hyuck’s arms as he hid his face on the younger’s neck so he wouldn’t see the most horrifying scenes. He had even intertwined their legs together and wouldn’t stop touching him at any moment of the movie.

The mere factor Donghyuck had eliminated was how he would react having Taeil throwing himself like that. The word overwhelmed couldn’t describe him at this point. Taeil was fucking intoxicating. His skin wasn’t the softest, but his warmth made up for it, and its roughness made his touches less subtle, keeping Hyuck on edge at every contact. The older’s hair tickled his chin, something he could overlook, but its scent almost drove Hyuck insane. He wanted to dive his nose and properly smell it, but he held himself, trying his best to focus on the movie. He fought against his inner self not to give in to his want of touching Taeil. His biggest moment of weakness was when the smaller man placed his head on his nape. Hyuck could feel those full lips he dreamed about ghosting his neck. All it would take for Taeil to kiss him at that moment was him wanting to and yet, all Hyuck would feel through the whole night was Taeil’s warm breath teasing his neck and tensing him little by little.

He should maintain himself stable and Taeil would crawl to him. The strategy was to keep it cool. The realities of war, unfortunately, didn’t lead to soldiers following the plan. It was one of the last scenes in the movie, he had made it so far, but Taeil squeezed his left arm in despair and, even if still keeping his eyes open, he had his head leaned on Hyuck’s shoulder. With the sole purpose of calming him down, the younger started to caress his hair and whisper “shhh”. He didn’t even pay attention at the movie anymore, eyes focused on Taeil’s messy mane, as he couldn’t see his full expression. The tightness on his arm relaxed, even if the grip remained. He would have to rewatch the film later, but in the end he didn’t mind, that wasn’t the spectacle he came to see. He just wished his silly butterflies would stop messing his stomach for a second. He wanted to engulf Taeil in his arms, kiss his puffy cheeks and lips, squeeze his belly and mark his body. Not only was he overdosing on Taeil’s presence, but on his own mind too. His mother was right, people were indeed more lured by things they didn’t know. He wished he knew how tasty Taeil’s kisses were, he only ever wanted one bite.

Fortunately the movie ended soon enough for him not to go insane. The credits rolled and he didn’t want to pull away. He could finally enjoy Taeil being there without the movie’s gore destroying what could be something romantic. He stared at the older who held his arm as if it belonged in his hand. Taeil looked so small curled up next to him. Donghyuck wished he would be taller just like Johnny so he would be able to tower over him, make him his proper baby.

Before he could lay his head over his baby’s head, the older got up, turned on the lights and turned the TV off. He detached himself so easily and yet left a void next to where Donghyuck was.

“When did you stop being afraid of horror movies?” He inquired, not sitting on the couch again.

“I got used to it. Renjun and Chenle love them. Had to adapt.”

Taeil raised his eyebrows. “You’re so grown up.”

A sarcastic smile stretched Hyuck’s lips. “Some people still don’t see it.” Taeil frowned, but didn’t say anything. Hyuck got tired of waiting for him to sit on the couch again and got up. “Gonna go grab an apple. Want one?”

“I don’t like apples.”

Donghyuck almost choked listening to that. How ironic that his apple of Eden hated the fruit he represented. They weren’t adept to cannibalism perhaps.

“Yet you were eating green apple candy.” He commented, quickly going to the kitchen and getting the fruit before dropping back to the sofa. Taeil had returned to his spot while he was at it, but still maintained some distance.

“That’s different.” The older replied defensively. Hyuck stared at him while taking a bite. Taeil averted his eyes for a second time. Hyuck wished he didn’t, he wanted to look at their brightness. He had started fidgeting. “Apples are merely less juicy pears. They’re hard to bite and not that sweet.”

The younger bit his bottom lip and leaned in. He was close enough that he could smell Taeil’s pine scent again.“So, you like juicy and sweet things?”

The older finally stopped looking around the living room for a second and their eyes met. “Who doesn’t?” Donghyuck held his breath. If he leaned in closer, he would feel Taeil’s warmth. If he leaned even closer, he would be able to breath in his breath. It would take so little effort to go in and taste his lips. “Anyways, gotta get ready, I have a class to teach.”

In a swift sentence, Taeil broke their gaze and, with that, also the moment. Donghyuck leaned back on the couch, trying to get his mind out of the trance.

“You should give me lessons someday.”

“There’s nothing left for me to teach you, Hyuck-ah. You have the voice of an angel.”

That was a reach. Donghyuck had never dared to sing in front of Taeil. All the older ever got were some clips Johnny would sneak in of Hyuck’s choir presentations when he was younger. It was more than embarrassing. He had met Taeil when he had chubby cheeks, rabbit teeth and the most horrible bowl haircut, he didn’t need to see it in video too. There was also the fact that even though he liked his own voice, it was nothing more than alright. Taeil’s voice, on the other hand, was on the verge of heavenly. He had the vocal rage to sing anything he wanted and he did so flawlessly. Imagine singing averagely to Moon Taeil. It was a shame he could not bear.

The memory of the moment he first saw Taeil sing doesn’t fail him, tattooed on his brain. Johnny had brought him home to introduce to his parents who he was living with at the University dorm. Their mom asked Taeil what he majored at and the conversation flew from there. It was impossible to pass the opportunity to ask a vocal major to sing. He tried objecting it and Hyuck laughed with his failed attempts. In the end he ended up singing an acapella version of “Out Here On My Own”, a special request of musical lover Mrs. Lee.

Donghyuck’s eyes sparkled. He was instantly struck by Cupid’s arrow. It was the first time he experienced someone sing such notes so easily. The emotion he conveyed made Hyuck dream of the older performing in musical theater. He sang the lower parts softly, while his high notes blew everyone away. Johnny even teased Hyuck he should try singing the “Phantom of the Opera” duet with Taeil, informing his friend his younger brother also had a talent for vocals. The older seemed interested and tried to give chubby cheeked Hyuck a little push, but he wouldn’t speak, too speechless to even think of singing along. When he first saw Taeil, he was sure he was the textbook definition of gorgeous, especially among Johnny’s high school friends who Hyuck considered of the most hideous people. He fashioned a bright red hairstyle those days, that matched his red lips, and gave him a sort of old school vibe. Yet, what had caused Hyuck to be star struck was his performance. It was like he had seen a brand new person coming out of that polite and kind new friend shell. Taeil hadn’t known at the time, how could he, but it was that exact moment Donghyuck first started developing his feelings, a mixture of admiration and a little obsession.

“Our voices would sound good together. Other than on karaoke.”

Taeil smiled nostalgically, recognizing the reference. “That was a nice cover of ‘Gotta Go My Own Way’”

That was the only time he had ever dared singing in front of him. Johnny had decided to get Hyuck drunk as a way to celebrate him turning eighteen. That was a night of many mistakes and one of them was yelling the lyrics of that High School Musical song in what should have been the most out of tune performance of his career.

“We were both drunk and screaming the lyrics.”

“I remember you held your high notes pretty well.”

“What else do you remember?” Hyuck inquired, looking straight at the older and taking another bite of his apple. Before that night, Donghyuck had been drunk like every teenager. He had just never been drunk around Taeil. He was of an already clingy nature, but he had gone overboard, constantly smooching his cheek and playing with his hair. Johnny had thrown some jokes about it, calling Taeil Hyuck’s teddy bear and saying he had never imagined his younger brother would be that clingy. Hyuck ignored him. It was nothing personal, he was ignoring the rest of the world as well. He had eyes for only one person that night. When the older asked him for a song, he forgot all of his worries about singing in front of him. He had wanted to sing a sexy duet such as “Don’t You Want Me” but Johnny thankfully intervened and they had their fun singing everyone’s favorite heartbreak song.

“That you had the voice of an angel.” He replied, holding Donghyuck’s stare boldly. He had gotten better at that on the course of that morning and the result were endless butterflies messing up the younger’s stomach. “But you still make my life hell, let me get ready to class.”

“Fine, Taeil-hyung. Don’t miss me too much.” He sighed, admitting defeat and getting up. Strangely enough Taeil led him to the door. Before he could close the door, Donghyuck had to say the line he had rehearsed in his mind the entire day. “If you have nightmares because of the movie, call me.”

Hearing it out loud he concluded he was definitely not as smart as he had previously thought. Yet, Taeil’s sudden awkward smile as he murmured goodbye made him reconsider that statement and he left the apartment with the sweet and juicy taste of victory and apple in his mouth.

  
☾☼☽

“What are you doing?”

Being questioned about his motives was something more than common in Donghyuck’s life, even having mastered the art of giving the perfect reply to it. He smiled charmingly and, with innocent eyes, tilted his head a little.

“Visiting a friend at work.”

Chenle didn’t fall for it. He bit his lip and instantly opened his mouth, ready to complain, but the golden haired stopped him before he started.

“Shhh, Chenle, just drop me off.” He begged, while opening his phone’s selfie camera to check himself out. He had been doing it an awful more lately, always checking if his hair was okay or his shirt showed his curves well. Seducing an older man was no easy job and Donghyuck knew it. Taeil was sly and he would slip through his fingers before he could notice, either bringing Johnny to join the conversation or saying he had class to prepare. Even with all the ups and downs, the golden haired was ready for the challenge. He sometimes dwelled on giving up, thinking he was being too insistent, but a long gaze, a shy smile or a light touch would always convince him otherwise.

“I don’t like this.” Chenle announced sternly. He didn’t look straight at Hyuck, acting like a spoiled child who got a no from his parents and focusing his attention on the car window. He was even pouting and with arms crossed.

“What? He’s on a break during classes.” His friend didn’t reply and kept his eyes at the city through his car’s window. Donghyuck wished he would at least meet his eyes instead of being so childish. “You’re just sulky because I am finally doing something and you haven’t done anything about Renjun.” The minute he said those words, he didn’t regret. The sorrow came from the lack of answer. Chenle’s worried expression didn’t change and he didn’t move away from the window. If anything, he looked even more attached to it, distancing himself from Hyuck. “Sorry.”

The other sighed tiredly. “It’s fine. You’re right. But do you think I only keep it to myself because I am a coward?”

“I didn’t say that-“

Chenle turned to stare at his friend. Donghyuck had always admired his talent for not showing what he was feeling, perhaps that was the only reason why Renjun didn’t suspect anything even after so many years. “I think before I act, Hyuck. You think but you still act. Renjun and I are friends and we have you to take care off. I don’t want to put it all to waste. You have even more things to worry about. Not only about your friendship with Taeil being destroyed by your constant advances-“

“That he returns.” Donghyuck interrupted, but only got a stern look in return.

“That’s debatable. You still have your brother. I know you haven’t talked to Johnny.”

“He doesn’t like Taeil like that-“

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because he would have been an idiot if he did. He’s been sleeping with him for what? Ever since he broke up with Taeyong? Four years or so. He has had enough opportunities to have him.” He didn’t mean to sound so angry, but he did, voice projecting way louder than he had expected, to the point even Chenle’s driver flinched at his words.

Hyuck leaned against his seat. He knew it wasn’t his fault though. Chenle should have thought better than to bring Johnny up. Why everything to do with him had to lead to his older sibling? His brother obviously didn’t appreciate Taeil as much as he should or else should be confessing his love at every moment in existence. It wasn’t fair Hyuck had to take care not only of his own and Taeil’s feelings, but of his brother’s too.

Chenle remained expressionless. “Doesn’t matter. Relationships are complicated. You never know what goes on. Talk to him.”

This time, Donghyuck was the one who turned to face the window. “Just drop me off, Chenle.”

☾☼☽

“Hyuckie? What are you doing here? I told you you didn’t need classes, silly.”

It had been a week since he had last met with Taeil. His heart ached to see him again, but he knew it was important to give him space and not to pressure. Even if he thought of the older every single day, he kept himself busy, trying to write songs here and there, focusing on college papers and watching movies with his friends, while trying not to obsessively talk about his object of fascination. If it was hard enough not seeing him, not mentioning him was even harder. Everything reminded him about Taeil, whether it was missing the way he always seemed to play with his own hair, a funny anecdote on how he seemed to never keep his tongue inside his mouth or just to ramble nonstop about how bright his eyes were. He couldn’t let himself loose in those conversations, talking about Taeil was a feedback circle, it would only lead to more.

That meant Hyuck was low on his Moon points and any sight of him wouldn’t be sufficient, but would cause overdose either way. Still, his heart fluttered the moment he saw Taeil, in a cap and a big loose shirt, look up from the music sheets.

“You sure you can’t teach me some tricks?” Donghyuck teased, not being able to take his eyes off him.

Taeil bit his bottom lip, not understanding the flirtatious tone. “I don’t think I could… But if you really want to, Dongyoung-“

“Don’t worry, that’s not what I’m here for. I brought you these.” He raised the bag he had come with. It was transparent and homemade cookies could be seen inside it.

“You keep feeding and spoiling me. I’m gonna put on some pounds if you keep at it.” Taeil smiled awkwardly while accepting the bag.

“Please do.” The mutter left his lips automatically. The idea of Taeil being softer and with more places to squeeze would go beyond Hyuck’s wildest dreams.

“Hm?”

“Nothing. Actually, I came for another thing.”

“Shoot away.”

Donghyuck looked around. The music school wasn’t the busiest of places, but there were still eyes on them from people walking in the hall. “Can it be somewhere else? I just want to sit…”

“Oh, let’s go to one of the classrooms.” Taeil took Hyuck’s wrist to guide him. The shock coming from his warm touch startled Hyuck, who felt his heart melting slowly. He didn’t even notice they were going through a staircase and then a hall to finally end up in an empty white room. He only realized that after Taeil let go of his wrist and offered him a chair for him to sit. “So, what is it?”

Hyuck’s stomach couldn’t stop swirling. His hands were sweating and he could feel his pressure lowering. Not being able to look at Taeil, he stared down at his own clothes, suddenly very interested in his shoes.

“You know I’m trying to do more things regards music, right? I don’t know if Johnny told you anything but I’m working on a mixtape of a sorts… Gonna try at least. Probably going to become one of those annoying people who link their SoundCloud to everyone…”

“I think it’s really good you’re already trying. You know, I was sad you didn’t choose to major in music…”

Hyuck chuckled and managed to look at Taeil, who smiled encouragingly at him. “I remember. I was wondering if you wanted to feature in one of my songs?”

The sound of his own heartbeat was almost as loud as the answer that came next.

“Why?”

_Because half of the songs I write are about you._

“I just… really like your voice, Taeil. If I could make a mixtape with your voice only I’d do it. But I have to sing if I wanna get credited…” He expected an answer from the brown haired, but Taeil was silent, head so low the cap covered his eyes, mind lost in another dimension. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

He snapped back to reality. “No, I want to. What have you been singing?”

How pitiful that a single answer would bring a non-stop smile to Hyuck’s lips. “Hm, soft pop?”

The older frowned. “Soft pop?”

“Yeah, kinda like the vibe of A Change Your Heart and If I Believe You by the 1975. Soft.” Hyuck shrugged. Taeil probably didn’t remember, but he was the one who first introduced the older to the 1975. He remembered everyone on the internet going crazy about it, claiming Chocolate to be the best sex song ever to be made. Hyuck only ever liked Sex, claiming to be the most original song of the album. He was an annoying prick even then.

When Taeil first listened to the songs, as Hyuck wouldn’t stop playing them in his bedroom while he was over their house at the end of the year holidays, he was shocked a thirteen year old boy was listening to such music. Donghyuck was confused. Didn’t thirteen year old boys only talk about sex? Either way, Taeil very much fell for the charms of the band, to the point he claimed it was his favorite. Hyuck wondered if he recalled who introduced him to the group. Taking into account Taeil’s terrible memory, it was unlikely. Those memories were for Hyuck’s mind only, to properly torture him to find meaning in moments that were long forgotten by the other.

Taeil looked delightfully surprised. “That is… I would never think of you singing those songs.”

Hyuck frowned, leaning closer to where Taeil was sitting. “Why not?”

“They are so mature and… sober? Not that you aren’t, I just wouldn’t think they are your style.”

“Perhaps you should get to know my style better…” He whispered, staring at Taeil for a second more than it was safe. The older averted his eyes to the white floor. “But yeah, I’m writing some stuff with Johnny…”

“Wow… I’m impressed. Please show me this work.” He lastly added, a slight blush on his cheeks.

Donghyuck smiled charmingly, trying his best to fake confidence. He was about to do what he had feared the most in his life. “Of course, you have to read it before you sing it.”

☾☼☽

His good luck strike had to end some time or another, so it wasn’t a big surprise when Donghyuck came to the apartment to talk a little bit more about the song with Taeil only to find out that Johnny was there. He felt self disgust for the clear disappointment that fell over himself when he saw his big brother. He loved him, but knew he was an obstacle to his goal. Either way, he greeted his sibling, trying the best to sound excited.

Johnny offered Donghyuck a drink, as it was a Friday night, but he shook his head, explaining he should keep himself sober if he wanted to talk to Taeil about the song. Johnny arched his eyebrows in amused surprise, as he pointed at the subject of discussion getting out of the kitchen with a glass of wine on his hand.

His eyes met Taeil’s and the older, who was confused at first, suddenly understood what was happening and looked apologetic. He was also wearing obvious not-expecting-guests clothes, with a big tee shirt and his usually high shorts that made Hyuck’s mouth water.

Before he had the chance to mutter his sorrys for forgetting about their music session, Donghyuck shut him up by raising his hand. He smiled carefreely, hoping that it would cover his second disappointment of the night. It was okay Taeil had forgotten. It didn’t mean anything. Hyuck should stop trying to read words in between lines that didn’t exist.

Noticing he was next to the door, he found a sweet feeling in knowing it wouldn’t be such a problem to just leave. Unfortunately, his brother didn’t let him. “C’mon, Hyuck, have a drink with us! You look so pretty, you can’t go home like this.”

Donghyuck blushed. Of course he looked pretty, he had gotten ready for a private session with Taeil, going for the ‘aspiring songwriter’ vibe, with a big brown blazer and round-rimmed glasses, but he didn’t need for Johnny to embarrass him. He had even considered putting on a hat, but thought it would be too over the top. Before he could say no politely once more and go home, Taeil walked to him and offered him his glass of wine silently. His eyes were brighter than usual, meaning he probably had had a glass or two.

Donghyuck looked at him carefully, expecting to read his expression. Was he just making up for forgetting their appointment or did he want Hyuck to stay? Slowly he picked up the glass from the other’s hold, making sure his pinky brushed on Taeil’s hand and not avoiding his eyes. He took the drink to his lips and finished it in three gulps. Taeil simply smiled and sat on the couch, where Johnny was celebrating his brother staying.

  
☾☼☽

There is nothing like a night that blows expectations away, no matter what they initially were. Donghyuck had always been in awe of the nature of human life: he considered its improbability was very rarely matched by fiction in a credible way. Life was very dramatic, but without cliches, and things happened before you could understand what was happening.

Having joined his brother and Taeil for drinks, he thought he knew what to expect. The one who drank the most was usually the oldest of the trio, but he was never very embarrassing, only becoming slightly cuter. Donghyuck had to hold himself not to baby him very openly, but it took all of his energy considering Taeil was even speaking in an almost babyish tone. Either way, he was nothing compared to Johnny, who unexpectedly drank the most during the night.

Donghyuck could only laugh as his brother would pull the strangest impressions, talk loudly, dance nonstop, for the pure entertainment of the other two. He was having the time of his life as a spectator and from time to time could caress Taeil’s hair or pinch his cheeks for his own amusement.

If the things we do sober are inexplicable, the same goes for drunk actions. Johnny suddenly pulled Taeil from the couch, smiling dumbly and dancing with him, though there was no music. Donghyuck’s heart started beating faster. Johnny’s hands were on Taeil’s waist and going lower, gripping the older’s ass. He smiled drunkenly and started leaning over the smaller man who gave in to his advances. Donghyuck’s head started throbbing. He didn’t want to watch, but couldn’t look away, trying to believe his own eyes. Johnny towered over Taeil. One of his hands left Taeil’s ass and lifted his chin up. Their lips met. Donghyuck’s throat instantly closed.

As if just hit by electricity, he turned his eyes away and got up from the couch, going to the kitchen. He needed water. He couldn’t see the end of that. Perhaps drunk-horny Johnny would like to fuck Taeil. That certainly put an end to Chenle’s question if they were still fuckbuddies. Fuck, it was already late and he had to sleep there, would he listen to them fucking? Would he cry if he did? Or would Taeil’s moans arouse him?

His hands were trembling as he opened the counter for a glass to put water. He tried stabilizing his breath, but all he got were dark spots in his vision and a throat that wouldn’t let him breathe properly. His legs had turned into shaking bamboos. He couldn’t stop rewinding it in his mind. Taeil looking so small in Johnny’s arms. Taeil going in for that kiss. Taeil moaning Johnny’s name at night.

Someone opened the kitchen door. Hyuck remained turned to the counter, hoping he could hide his face. He almost wished the two were still kissing so he would be left alone.

“Hyuckie.” The person spoke, approaching where he was. He touched the younger’s shoulder, but Hyuck shivered and backed from his grasp. “Look at me, Donghyuck.”

Hyuck couldn’t move. If he did, Taeil would see how utterly wrecked he was. How could he even face him after seeing Taeil melt in Johnny’s arms? Besides, he didn’t have any right to be jealous. Yet, it didn’t mean he could brush those feelings away when the older tried to touch him one more time. What he once longed was what he wanted the most to get away from.

“What?” He managed to choke out an answer. With his side vision, he could see Taeil’s hand on the counter. Worse than that, he could feel his warm presence and pine scent. How much he hated his moon radar that kept him on edge at every moment and captured every move from the other.

“Why are you like this? You get hurt.”

“Go back to Johnny.” It was a childish answer, but nothing more could be asked of Hyuck’s brain taking the recent events.

“He’s watching funny YouTube compilations. Will you just look at me?” In his voice, the annoyance was clear. Donghyuck almost smiled bitterly. He could always trust himself to annoy Taeil.

“What does this get you?”

“Nothing, I just want to look at you.” The truthfulness of the answer got to Donghyuck’s heart. He could never deny Taeil anything.

He turned around slowly, trusting his big glasses to hide most of his emotions. Taeil was next to him and the younger’s eyes instantly traveled to his lips. They were ever so plump and full, but they were wetter and a little swollen. Hyuck would have loved to taste them, were he not upset he wasn’t the one who made Taeil’s lips like that.

He looked up and met the older’s bright eyes. Even in the most disturbing of occurrences they still shone, a light in the dark.

Donghyuck was the one who averted his eyes grumpily. “Done. Now can you leave?”

“No. The cat is out of the bag anyway. You should stop.”

“Stop what?” He knew what the other meant, but he wanted to know how he would name what Hyuck was doing.

“Whatever you have in your mind. I see it. I’m not blind.” Hyuck had only bitter thoughts to that statement. Taeil had acted blind for so long, it was hard to tell when it was obliviousness or playing ignorance.

“Why do you want me to stop?”

“Because it hurts you.” His tone softened and Taeil approached Hyuck once again, but didn’t dare touching him this time. The younger could feel his eyes watering, but merely shrugged the feeling off.

“It always did.”

“Not like this.”

“I don’t care.”

“_This_ is never going to happen.”

It was better if Taeil had busied his mouth with Johnny’s instead of speaking words that turned into knives against Donghyuck’s heart. “If you cared about me being hurt you wouldn’t say that.”

“It’s the truth.” He stated shortly.

“Why?”

“Because you’re like a brother to me.”

A few things bothered Donghyuck more than blunt lies, and those were lies people told to themselves. Taeil spoke as if he was sure, but it was an easy thing arguing with a beaten dog. Donghyuck looked up, finally approaching Taeil enough for the older to not appear so relaxed anymore. “But am I? Why do you avert your eyes in embarrassment when I look at you? Why do you return my affection and touch me before I touch you? Why do you smile at me like that?”

“I am just being friendly.” Instability was clear in his voice due to the loss of control, but his words had the same effects as before.

“Taeil. Please don’t lie to me. I’m going insane.” His cracking voice showed that he was on the verge of begging. To even think everything he was seeing was in his mind only would break Hyuck apart. He had questioned himself before if the desire was only there because he wanted it to be. Yet, he felt something changed. Taeil had never quite looked at him like that or even given himself the trouble of mentioning his advancements.

The older bit his lip nervously, taking a step back. “It doesn’t matter if it’s mutual or not. This can’t happen.”

“Why not? Johnny? He doesn’t like you like I like you. You know that.”

For the first time during that conversation, Taeil’s expression softened. The sweet smile on his lips could be characterized as dreamlike even. “No one likes me like you like me. You _adore_ me.” Probably due to a moment of weakness, Taeil raised his hand and cupped Hyuck’s cheek.

Donghyuck closed his eyes and adjusted his head to Taeil’s hand, like a pup being petted. Taeil’s hand was warm and its slightly rough touch gave the younger goosebumps. “I do.”

It was gone too soon, as well as Taeil’s sweet expression. “Only because you can’t have me.”

The golden haired shook his head emphatically, getting more angry at that discussion by the second. He had never thought he could get mad at Taeil before, but the night was full of surprises. “Shut up. That’s not true.”

A smile creeped on the other’s lips. “Spoiled Hyuckie. When have you ever seen something you couldn’t have?”

“Never because you’re not a delusion of mine. If you were you wouldn’t shiver with my touch.” He moved his hands to ghost over Taeil’s nape, getting an immediate reaction from his face. He recomposed himself quickly, stepping away from the younger’s grasp.

“It doesn’t change the fact you only want me because we can’t be together. We won’t be together, Hyuck. I met you when you were twelve. You’re like a little brother to me.”

Donghyuck took a big step, pressing his body to Taeil’s so he could lean and whisper to his ear. His heart was beating faster against Taeil’s chest. “Well, won’t be if you let me do things a brother would never do to you.” He wanted Taeil to melt to his voice, to become so irresistible to him he wouldn’t be able to put any more knives against his soul.

He was sweating nervously as Taeil leaned closer and put a hand on his nape to whisper in his ear: “Still a kid talking big”.

Donghyuck was so dumbfounded that he didn’t notice Taeil taking another step back. His warmth was still very much perceivable.

“It’s not my problem you could never take me serious.”

“Grow out of this crush. I don’t want you to hurt.”

“I don’t grow out of this crush, I grow _with_ this crush. Being in love with you is a personality trait for me, Moon Taeil.” He savored speaking the other’s full name, feeling the bittersweet taste it had on his lips.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…” he then finally did what Donghyuck had hoped he would do during that conversation: leave him alone.

☾☼☽  
  


The jealousy monster swirled down Donghyuck’s throat and stomach throughout the rest of the night. It was there when Johnny lightly patted Taeil’s knee after a lighthearted joke, it choked him every time Taeil whispered something on Johnny’s ears, and made him nauseous upon even a small glimpse of the two touching each other. He tried to keep the little monster calm, but it didn’t help it was fed further by the actions of the two and there was nothing for Donghyuck to do besides become grumpy.

Johnny tried to cheer him up, agree to do drinking games or to watch a movie, but Donghyuck arched his eyebrows and gave him short answers. He had his arms crossed and looked around constantly, making it clear he didn’t want to be there. He didn’t care for how that might make them feel, he just wanted that night to be over and would do anything to not make it a second longer than it should be.

His brother, in contrast, was very affected by people’s mood. Being drunk, he was probably more intense than normal, and got hit by Donghyuck’s attitude right in the stomach. There was nothing Taeil could do, not even beg and cheer him up, his friend sighed with defeat at Hyuck’s tenth curt reply and declared he would be going to sleep in his bedroom.

Infuriated, Taeil didn’t waste any glances at the youngest before slamming the door to his bedroom. Donghyuck savored the bitter taste of victory sitting alone on the couch.

He scrolled through his phone, texting Renjun about how life was unfair to him and getting a series of heartwarming emojis as a reply. It took a while of texting and watching YouTube videos, but sleepiness finally hit him. There was no way he would go to Johnny’s room, not after the drama he just pulled. Instead, he settled himself in the sofa, curling up to fit. He knew his back would make him regret it in the morning, but his pride was too high at that moment to admit any wrongdoing. He simply turned off his phone and started counting sheep, hoping the few drinks he had would also help his meeting with Morpheus.

“Hyuck.” Taeil’s voice cut his silent attempts to sleep. Donghyuck laid still, pretending to be asleep and expecting the older to go back to his room. “You can sleep in my bed.”

The younger remained silent for a few moments. He didn’t hear Taeil’s door closing or any movement whatsoever and was growing tired. “Don’t need your pity.”

“This couch sucks, Hyuckie. My bed has enough space for both of us.”

There was no answer.

“Don’t be mad at me. I can’t survive if you ignore me.”

“You want my adoration, but don’t want me. That’s nice.”

“Stop being bitter, Hyuck. I’m doing this for you.”

What he meant with ‘this’ was a complete mystery. It could mean be keeping Donghyuck away no matter how he felt or it could be offering his bed. The younger didn’t want to ask about it.

“Am I supposed to thank you?”

“I didn’t say that-“

He was tired of having a discussion while still lying down and staring at the carpeted floor, therefore he sat up. Taeil was at his door, wearing another tee shirt long enough to cover his shorts. It was dark and Donghyuck couldn’t figure out his facial expressions, but he must have been a mix of angry and annoyed. “It sure sounded like it! Thanks for taking care of me, a poor child!”

“You’re sure acting like one!”

“Forget it, I’m sleeping on the couch.” Donghyuck returned to his horizontal position.

“Please. Let’s just sleep. Don’t make me tickle you.”

“Don’t you dare-“ He didn’t have any chance to maintain his angry image. Taeil was already over him, his fingers on his armpit and neck, causing Hyuck to lose track of his words.

“C’mon, Hyuckie!”

“Stop! Taeil!” He managed to breathe out, as he squirmed on the couch and tried to keep Taeil’s hands away from him.

“Only if you agree to sleep in the bed!”

“No-Fine!” The hands were gone a second later and Taeil smiled brightly. Victory was sweet on him. He skipped back to his bedroom, letting his door open and Donghyuck had no choice but to follow him.

The room was dark, as the only source of light were the fluorescent stickers of stars on the ceiling and a lamp on the nightstand. Taeil’s room was incredibly simple besides the huge Les Miserables poster on his wall and the music sheets that filled his desk. There was also an open scrapbook on it that caught Hyuck’s eyes. He knew Taeil kept a diary, for he had mentioned in happy moments he should write them down on it. For the first time, he pondered if his name was written there… He hoped it was. Taeil’s handwriting was sloppy but to have a small glance of his name on it, would feel like a calligraphist had written it himself.

The older was already under the sheets, happily humming a song and waiting for Donghyuck to stop looking around the bedroom. He sat on the bed, put his glasses on the nightstand, removed his blazer and jeans carefully. He hated sleeping with many clothes on, feeling trapped. He would have taken off his t-shirt too if he didn’t feel overly conscious of his body under Taeil’s gaze. Dressed with a loose shirt and boxers, he was equal to Taeil in matter of layers.

He quickly slipped under the covers and focused on the fluorescent stars and planets on the ceiling. It wasn’t that hard keeping his eyes up when the sheet’s smell took all of his focus. It had Taeil’s mark all over it.

“You can come closer.” Donghyuck tilted his head to find Taeil turned to his side, looking at him and staying the closest he could be to the middle of the bed. The younger gulped and dragged his body closer to Taeil’s. The brown haired cupped his face again, caressing his cheeks fondly with his thumb. Donghyuck halted his breath at the warm touch. In a split second, Taeil’s hand was on his, as he grabbed it and put it over his own body. Hyuck tried not squeezing Taeil’s hips, only softly brushing his fingers, feeling the warm skin where his tee shirt ended. His breathing pattern was uneven. Any doctor would diagnose him with Moon overdose.

“Why are you letting me?” His voice cracked when asking. He wanted to be upset with Taeil for letting him so close after battling Donghyuck’s attempts of flirting but he couldn’t. He wanted anything Taeil would give him.

Being against the pillow made his cheeks bigger and softer and the brown haired had an easy going half smile on his lips. “Goodnight, Hyuckie.” The older answered, turning the lights off quickly and returning to the younger’s embrace, even closer than before.

“Goodnight, Taeilie.” Donghyuck whispered one last thing before closing his eyes for the last time that night. “Thank you.”  
  


☾☼☽  
  


The sun had woken Donghyuck up. He didn’t move. Rarely had he found interest in unmoving things, but having Taeil hold him close and nuzzling his nose on his chest was certainly more thrilling than most movies he had seen. Taeil’s hair was a mess, spiked up, but Donghyuck didn’t mind one bit. The older still looked effortlessly gorgeous. He moved a little while sleeping, sometimes backing off from Donghyuck’s body, but never letting him go. It was the younger’s own notion of paradise. He wished he could take a picture of Taeil looking so unaware of the world, cheeks squeezed against his pillow, eyes shut, mane chaos. There was also his small cheek scar. Donghyuck brushed it slightly with his fingers. Sleeping beauty opened his eyes. The spell was broken.

“Hm. What time is it?” Taeil’s hoarse voice sent thrills down his spine.

“Around nine. Why?” He answered nonchalantly, hoping Taeil would close his eyes again and hold tighter against his body. His words had the opposite effect.

“I have class to teach.” The older announced, blinking to get used to the light, and soon his orbs found Donghyuck’s face.

“Stay here for a little.”

“This has different meanings for us.”

Suddenly the arms around the younger were gone. He stayed in bed and that was enough.

“Does it?” Donghyuck questioned, cheekily.

Taeil huffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re hopeless.”

“Hopelessly in love.”

“You _think_ you are.”

“If you knew the effect you have on me, you wouldn’t say that.”

“I wish I hadn’t confronted you last night. Somehow it made you bolder.”

“I have nothing to lose now.”

“You have nothing to win either.” The thrill of having someone matching his answers wasn't going to put his hopes down. Words weren’t equal to actions. Taeil showed him that the night before.

“I love watching you sleep because you’re so beautiful yet so unaware of it.” He approached and whispered to Taeil’s ear. He was quoting a the 1975 song and he knew Taeil would recognize it instantly. The older detached himself from his arms.

“Gonna go now.”

“Wait. Before you go. Serious question.” Taeil stopped on the door stand. Donghyuck had a grave expression, but as he questioned a smile formed: “How was it holding yourself not to go feral on me last night?”

“Good day, Donghyuck!” Taeil slammed the door at the same time Hyuck threw himself back to the mattress with a satisfied grin.

☾☼☽

It had been a while since he had knocked on Johnny’s door without checking himself out on his selfie camera, but there was no need for that now.

“I’m just here to drop these off. Mom sent them for you.” Donghyuck announced the minute his brother opened the door. He hadn’t seen Johnny since the little hangout the week before. There was a small interaction the morning after, with Johnny complaining about how Taeil was obsessed with showers and keeping himself clean, while Donghyuck agreed, taking his coffee the fastest he could. He had thought he was too old to be scared of his older brother, but maybe getting older was all about different kinds of fear.

It was ironic to describe his older brother as scary. Perhaps he was to fashion designers or short people, but it was hard for even those two considering Johnny was a defenseless big bear wearing an oversized Liverpool T-shirt and shorts. Donghyuck had that same shirt in his closet somewhere. It was from the same day they had gone to the store to buy soccer gifts for their father. Everything was way more expensive than they had expected and Hyuck convinced Johnny to go by the flea market instead. There, the opposite was true, to the point even the two bought soccer stuff for themselves to keep as a memory from the fun day. “Why don’t you stay?”

The sight of the shirt must have caused some brain damage to Donghyuck. He nodded. “Sure.”

“What’s up?” Johnny spread himself on the couch, taking almost its entirety with his body. It had always bothered Donghyuck how his brother wasn’t only tall, but spacious. It had made sharing things even harder. The younger sat down at the armchair, feeling uneasy in contrast to Johnny’s attitude.

“Nothing much. Working on that mixtape.”

“I know. I thought you’d ask for my help.”

“Sorry about that, things started coming, I am doing some more features…”

“With Taeil huh? Tell me about that.”

Donghyuck hadn’t seen the apple of his eyes ever since sharing that bed. For a second, he almost considered that night a delusion of his wildest dreams, but Taeil’s smell on his clothes was too real to be his own making. Since that day, he decided it was good to lay off a bit, against his own desires. As a result, their track was stuck in the realm of non-existence.

“You know I’ve always admired Taeil-hyung’s voice. I thought it was only fair.”

“Yeah, he does have a beautiful voice.”

Donghyuck fidgeted, scratching his hand and glancing at his brother rapidly. “Can I ask you something? About him?”

“When were you up for so many formalities with me?” He couldn’t see his brother’s face, but the amused tone was clear in his voice.

“Sorry, I just don’t know if it’s any of my business…”

“You are my brother. Just go for it.”

Donghyuck took one last breath, finally raising his head. “Are you and Taeil… a thing?”

Johnny arched his eyebrow. “Is that about the kiss?”

“Kind of.” Donghyuck was already regretting his own question, but there was nothing else to do besides biting his lips and expecting Johnny to give him something to work with.

“We’ve kissed in front of you before.”

_Unfortunately_. Donghyuck would never forget the first time he saw the two kissing, desperately running for Chenle’s arms, who was thankfully invited to Johnny’s twenty-second birthday party. He had considered the worst at first and his friend had done nothing to wash away that feeling, simply encouraging him to move on. Donghyuck tried doing that, at the same time as avoiding his brother’s apartment with an effort worthy of awards. It wasn’t only till he saw Johnny’s mouth on another man’s a few months after that he finally understood the dynamic between the two. At least, he had thought so.

“It’s been a while.”

“We don’t have anything.”

A warm feeling spread through Donghyuck’s chest. He would just leave it be, perhaps enjoy the taste of being right and mock Chenle. There was still a feeling of things left to cover that didn’t let him.

“Did you wish you had?”

“Ah, Hyuck-ah… I honestly wished. It’d be so much easier. Taeil and I just get along so well.” The warmth inside his heart transformed itself into a heavy winter. Damn Donghyuck and the things he didn’t know. There was no way to formulate an answer to that. He tried, and it got stuck in his throat. His brother hadn’t finished yet. “But I don’t think of him like that and neither does he.”

“How can you fuck someone and not get romantically attached to them?”

_Better yet, how can someone be near Moon Taeil and not fall in love with him instantly?_

Johnny chuckled, his eyes becoming half moons due to the smile on his lips. “You’re going for the hard questions today.”

“Guess we haven’t talked in a while and I’ve stored them up. Only big brothers can give certain advice.”

“You’re right about that.” His brother seemed slightly surprised by Donghyuck’s words, but was quickly lost in his thoughts before speaking up again. “Sexual desire and romantic desire are things you feel and can differentiate very easily. Taeil makes me laugh, he is sexy, but he doesn’t make my heart go to certain places like Yuta did. I think you can mostly tell the difference by the effect they have on you.”

“What if for me there’s no difference?” The younger asked slowly, leaning in to his brother’s direction as he waited for his advice.

“Then… you must not feel sexually aroused by that many people huh? Or you fall in love too often.”

The second option was obviously not on the table.

He didn’t say anything and let it die. His brother remained silent as well. He knew how to read rooms the best and when to talk, something he had never quite taught Donghyuck, who would speak things in the most unfortunate of times.

“I’m sorry, Johnny.” Donghyuck managed to choke out of his throat, shamingly turning his eyes to his hands.

“Hyuck apologizing out of nowhere? What’s happening?”

“I’ve been such a bad brother, I’ve been blocking you out of my life on purpose… You don’t deserve me…”

At first, Johnny had taken the apology as a delightful surprise, but his eyebrows furrowed. He approached his younger sibling even if not leaving the couch. “Hyuck-ah! Taeil was right, you are being weird. It’s okay, you can try getting away from me, I’ll always bring you back.”

“But I’m so horrible, I’ve been doing something so wrong…”

“You scare me now. What is it?”

Donghyuck shook his head. “I can’t tell you. You’ll hate me forever.”

A touch on his hand made him raise his eyes from the floor. Johnny’s expression was reassuring. No matter what Hyuck did or said, the older would never let him down. “Don’t say that. I will never hate you, Donghyuck. I’m your big brother, I’m here to help. You don’t have to tell me what’s it you’re doing… though I hope it’s not heavy drug-related… Just don’t try getting away from me.” He wished he could give his brother a proper answer, murmur a simple ‘I love you’ or ‘thanks’, but his throat was his worst enemy and air was lacking. He simply nodded and that was enough to get his brother a shining smile on his lips. “And get me to help you with your mixtape! I’m a producer! It isn’t fair!”

  
☾☼☽

Jungwoo was starting to whine Donghyuck spent more time at his brother’s apartment than at their shared place. His roommate was being dramatic, as usual, but the visits to his brother had risen exponentially ever since the start of his crusade. It didn’t mean Johnny was always found there, often not being the case, as in that particular morning.

“Did you forget about our session again?” Donghyuck asked, as soon as he noticed Taeil’s sleepy face. He was at least dressed properly, a cap keeping his messy hair tamed, shorts that went all the way to his knees and a sleeveless shirt proudly showing off his arms. He wanted to throw him against the wall and wake Taeil up with kisses, but that wasn’t a possibility yet.

A lazy smile spread through his lips. “Still hurt about that?”

“Gonna forget you and you’ll see how you’ll feel.” Donghyuck threatened, trying to keep his pose.

“Just come in, kiddo.” Taeil walked to the couch, sitting on it. Donghyuck followed, closing the door behind him and making no mention of the word ‘kiddo’. Taeil’s efforts on treating him as a child were clear, but the younger wouldn’t let them go far. “What do you have?”

“An idea. I was thinking of doing something like ‘Don’t You Want Me’ by the Human League in which we dialogue through the duet? Often times there are duets that the people are singing the same thing and, as much as I see the appeal and love those songs, I like the idea of conflict within a song, or just different perspectives.”

Taeil glanced over at Donghyuck, waiting for him to show something on his cellphone or some drabbles on a scrapbook. He didn’t move, staring back at the disapproval look he was getting. “You have nothing then.”

A confident smirk stretched his own lips. “That’s what I’m here for, to get inspiration.” He approached Taeil slightly, but the brown haired turned his face, cheeks slightly red.

“Ah, Hyuck…”

“I can show you some of my other songs. You can get my style better?” Not waiting for an answer, his hands unlocked the phone and went through his downloaded songs. He took one last glance at Taeil, before pressing play.

Music filled the room with a mysterious new wave pop, very 80s influenced. Donghyuck kept bouncing between alternative pop and 80s new wave, sometimes blending both. He liked his own style. Music was supposed to create rules, not follow them.

His voice started low, according to the melody. He tried not to cringe at the sound of it, hating to listen to his own singing. The golden haired couldn’t even make himself look at the other, nervously tapping his fingers on the table.

The wait for Taeil to say something was driving him mad. He wished he would drop any sort of feedback after the first chorus. Anything at any moment. Donghyuck was waiting. Second chorus went by, not fast enough for his heartbeat to cease. He expected any declaration at this second. There was nothing else than the sound of 80s inspired pop and his high pitched voice harmonizing with it on the track. There was a high note before the final chorus. Surely Taeil would at least make an approval sound, right? Still nothing. The song finally ended and Donghyuck wanted to bury himself along with it. He had hidden his voice from the other for so long only to be met with no effect whatsoever.

“This sound is nice.” There was a slightly impressed look on his face as Taeil played with his own hair in automatic movements. Donghyuck drank his words like water in the desert.

“Johnny produced it. He knows exactly what I want.” His answer came out fast and excited, maybe a little too much of both.

“You two make a good partnership. You could hit big someday.”

“I like to think so. But then again… life as an artist is hard.”

Taeil finally stopped messing with his own hair, his eyes were no longer unfocused and he spoke a little louder. “I really like this sound. Can I hear you sing acapella though?”

_Acapella_. That was something unexpected.

“Why?”

“I want to check you performance wise.”

Taeil wanted something from him. His insecurities were brushed away in that second. “Ah, hyung… you gotta give me something in return.”

“You are too cocky.”

“You don’t even hear what it is yet and you’re already like this.”

The brown haired rolled his eyes dramatically, but sighed. “Fine, what is it?”

“A kiss.” Taeil’s jaw dropped instantly, outrage ready to be spoken up, but Donghyuck had a faster tongue. “Just kidding, I’d never do that. Let me watch a movie with you again.”

After the shock of the fake offer, Taeil was confused, but still backing away from his advances. “Hyuck, you’re treating these like dates.”

The younger blinked slowly, showing no change of expression. “What if they are?”

“Dates are usually consented by both parties involved.”

“Did I point a gun at you to see me today?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. Tell me more, Moon Taeil, I can listen to you talk about anything in the world.” Donghyuck settled his head on his hand, battling his eyelashes before making his best doe eyes.

“You’re setting yourself to fail.” He wasn’t unknown to disapproval, but he hated Taeil kept fighting his most heart fluttering moves with grumpy answers and rolls of eyes.

“You want to hear me sing. I want to watch some movies. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore. Do whatever you want, Hyuck.”

He approached Taeil’s face enough to observe the scar on his cheek precisely and their eyes locked for that moment. “Then can I kiss you?”

A heartbeat. A long breath. The sound of an apple falling somewhere in the world.

“Shut up!” Taeil exclaimed the second he was back to reality, pushing Donghyuck away, who smiled smugly. “Ah, you’ve become so bold after I’ve confronted you… Just sing me a song.”

“Any particular choice?”

“Your favorite will do.”

Donghyuck bowed his head dramatically. He didn’t have a favorite song, but there were only a few he knew by heart. There was one sure to impress Taeil: Your Song, the Moulin Rouge version. Besides the older having a soft spot for musicals, there was something about Moulin Rouge that drove every man, woman or child to a state of tears, so sad it was the tragedy of impossible love. The fact that the song was performed to woo the leading lady was also something Donghyuck took as important.

It was very cheesy of him to sing a love song out loud, but he was so nervous he couldn’t look his loved one in the eye and just kept his head directed at the carpet. He tried his best to hit the high notes without overdoing it and hoped he wouldn’t choke on the words. The start was shaky, he could feel Taeil’s gaze over him, and he seemed to miss the lyrics. Little by little, he gained his confidence, singing it more freely, and yet he hadn’t gotten to his full potential.

In the end, only half of the lyrics were sung. Hyuck looked up, regaining confidence after he was done. “Did I blow you away?”

The brown haired had a blank look on his face, but shook it out before answering. “Quite frankly, yes. You are a born performer, just need a stage.”

“Get me one and I’ll be there.” Donghyuck replied with a cheeky smile. Taeil’s praises made butterflies swirl around his stomach, but he didn’t want to get too caught on that. He picked the remote from the coffee table next to him and turned on the TV. “What movie are we going to watch?”

“Anything that isn’t horror. Or romantic.”

How much Taeil amused him was unexplainable.

“Not even ‘Moulin Rouge’?” Teasing Taeil should be added to his curriculum as Donghyuck did it so much, but he had too much fun with it to be considered a job. The brown haired gasped with the suggestion and Donghyuck chuckled before adding, “I wasn’t thinking of either… how about an animation? Have you ever watched Mary and Max?”

“No…” He looked at him suspicious but Donghyuck connected his pendrive to the television before any questions were asked. He threw himself at the couch again, as the movie’s soundtrack started playing.

“Then what are we waiting for?”

  
☾☼☽

The lights were turned off. They had gotten a blanket from Johnny’s room and watched the tragic movie in silence. From time to time Donghyuck glanced at Taeil, admiring his lips, his furrowed eyebrows while concentrating, his chest going up and down due to inhaling and exhaling air. To watch him breathe took his own breath away.

As Mary and Max’s friendship blossomed through letters across the screen, the golden haired leaned his head on Taeil’s shoulder. The older didn’t say a thing and Donghyuck took that silence as permission, making himself more comfortable and wrapping his arms around his belly.

“Hyuck.” His name sounded like a warning.

“It’s just cuddling, hyung.” Donghyuck whined, fuzzling his nose against Taeil’s neck. It smelt like pine, warmth and home.

“I spoil you too much, I can’t say no.”

“If that was true, you would give in to my advances.”

Taeil finally took his eyes off the TV. “Perhaps I should. That way your fantasy would end and this would stop.”

“You’re not a fantasy. If you kissed me, I’d never let you go.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying…”

“I like you too much, I can’t help it.”

They got back to watching the movie and slowly Taeil started to mold himself to Hyuck’s touch. To say the younger felt success inebriate him was too little. Wasn’t the movie so sad, he would have fashioned a smile that could be seen on the other side of the universe.

The melancholic scenes got to Taeil’s heart and he was crying on Donghyuck’s shoulder by the end of it. The younger wiped his tears, brushing his fingers through his cheeks and never letting the sweet mocking smile fade from his own lips as he tried cheering Taeil up, who was accusing him of going for his heart with that choice of film. Donghyuck laughed at that, replying he thought a movie about friendship fitting and that he didn’t expect him to be so sensible. The older snorted and hid his face between sheets, but Donghyuck still held his body close to him.

  
☾☼☽

“Have you no shame?!”

If Donghyuck had ever any problems of hearing in the future, he would know exactly who to go after: no one other than his own best friend.

“Chenle…” Renjun shot a look at Chenle, but he didn’t have eyes at anything but Donghyuck, face red from anger.

“Your casual flirting was one thing, but now you’re practically throwing yourself at him! What’s next? Going to do the ‘bend and snap’ move?”

“I would like _him _to do that.” Donghyuck matched his rude tone in his reply.

“You think you’re so smart just because you always have quick responses!”

“I’m sorry my mind works faster than yours do!”

“Boys! Please. Why are you fighting about this?” Renjun positioned himself at the middle of the two, not that there was any chance they would go for each other. They were in the privacy of Chenle’s house, but Chenle and Donghyuck fights never ended in physically. Still, Renjun would always get in the middle, in the hopes it would at least make it too hard for them to look at each other.

“Because Hyuck is an irresponsible prick.”

“Rather because Chenle is a coward.”

“You two stop.” Their little Switzerland begged again, but was ignored.

“If you continue this, I’ll have to tell Johnny.”

The words were like a gunshot that had been fired right next to Donghyuck’s ears. His head was throbbing, he wasn’t sure what had just happened and his hearing was severely affected. “What?”

Renjun turned his head to stare at Chenle, who remained infuriated. “Don’t say that, Lele…”

Donghyuck took a step closer to his enraged friend. “Are you threatening me?”

“You bet! Either you talk to him or I do.”

“How old are you, Chenle? Twelve? Are you going to call my mom too?”

“You’re the one who is twelve, messing with everyone’s feelings for your pure egoistic reasons. Taeil is right, you only want him because you can’t have him.”

The mention of Taeil for the sake of Chenle’s argument only fueled Donghyuck more. “As if you want things you can have!”

“Try having a proper conversation with Taeil without throwing yourself at him and then tell me if you’re still into him.”

“Try staying out of my business!”

Renjun tried to make them stop yelling, but his attempts were useless. Donghyuck simply got out of the living room and of Chenle’s house entirely. He was tired of being treated like a child by even his friends.

  
☾☼☽  
  


The artwork Donghyuck was doing for his mixtape was slowly driving him crazy. He was supposed to only have a general idea about it, as he was hiring Ten for the cover, but none of his doodles seemed to be working out. The only thing he could do was draw apples, endless apples. Green apples, red apples, big apples, rotten apples. They were everywhere, in his scrapbook, in his song sheets, on his table. He never knew a fruit could interest him so much and it got to the point in which he wondered if he should tattoo it on his hips. It had been long since he had wanted other tattoos to make company to the 6 skulls on his left arm.

“Someone’s weird today.” Taeil spoke from the other side of the couch. He had been watching cat videos silently, from time to time sneaking a glance towards Hyuck, trying to do so unnoticed but failing. His lips would curl up on his usual smile whenever he did. Donghyuck wanted to tease him about it, say something like ‘take a photo, it’ll last longer’ but was too tired for any of that.

However, it seemed like Taeil wanted to engage in conversation. Even though he was in a bad mood, when could Donghyuck say no to him. “What gave it away?” His eyes didn’t leave the paper, that contained different versions of the forbidden fruit.

“The lack of flirting.”

“I started to consider it might portray me as less serious than I am.”

“So your lack of flirting is a way of flirting.”

“You can see it that way. Or just… I don’t know.” He finally gave up on drawing, dropping the pencil and paper on the coffee table and turning to Taeil, who had his phone locked and dropped in the space between them. His hair was brushed and his bangs too long, almost covering his eyes. Donghyuck liked it. He hated when Taeil trimmed his hair. Or maybe he didn’t hate it that much, since Taeil would say he found himself the prettiest with short hair, and would smile endlessly whenever he got a haircut. The younger liked caressing his hair when longer and thought it beautiful when Taeil had to constantly move it out of his eyes. “A day for me to get to know Moon Taeil better.”

Taeil had his torso completely turned towards Donghyuck and put his bare feet over the couch on the space between them. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything you can tell me.”

“That’s a lot and I’m not that interesting.”

“I beg to differ, you’re the most interesting human being there is.” The smile along with his words went easily out of his lips, but he regretted them the minute they left. “Sorry, that was flirting. It just slips.”

“I don’t mind.” The brown haired murmured. “You must be curious about something.”

“Of course I am. But I want you to tell me what you think is the most interesting thing about you first. Just a random fact will do. What’s Moon Taeil’s take on Moon Taeil.”

“You say my full name way too often.” The remark was made with a smirk and a spark crossing his eyes.

“It’s too pretty of a name to not be spoken.” Damn Donghyuck and his effortless flirting charms around Taeil. He had kept his feelings repressed for years and letting them out had made him addicted to showering his object of affection with compliments. “Again, sorry. Being cheesy with you is my natural response.” He turned his body completely, to be face to face with Taeil, and put his feet on the couch. They touched Taeil’s feet, but as he was wearing socks, he fortunately didn’t feel the shock coming from his warm skin.

Taeil hummed before speaking. His eyes lost focus for a split second, till they landed on the space where his and Donghyuck’s feet were on the couch. “I used to think streets were named after people in order of importance. That way, busier streets meant more important people. Not only that, rich streets, higher class people. I dreamed of having a street with my name as a child. Not a street. A whole avenue, in which cars went by everyday.”

Imagining Taeil as a child was something completely new for Donghyuck who had only seen him as a grown up. He was pretty adorable back then, he had seen the baby pictures Momma Moon proudly shared. Yet, Hyuck never thought of Taeil as a child with hopes and dreams, whether they were silly or not. He had met him in his early 20s, and being at that same age at the moment, he knew very well that was the perfect time for dreams to get crushed and to become bitterly hopeless.

“You don’t dream of that now?”

“What are street names compared to everything else?” He raised his head so he would return Donghyuck’s gaze.

“But you’ve given up on everything else too. I don’t understand. You always push me to try it out as an artist but you don’t do it yourself.”

“I like teaching.” He answered, resignated.

“Do you _love_ it?”

A shy smile with a hint of irony appeared on his lips. “Depends on the student…”

“Why don’t you record your mixtape, go to auditions for musicals… just try it.”

Taeil shook his head, his smile turned onto a much sweeter, patronizing one.The younger could still see a shade of sadness on its corners. “I can’t, Hyuck. Majoring in singing was already too much of a risk. I can’t try it out as an artist. I’m too old for it.” Taeil often smiled without meaning to and Donghyuck could see that was one of those times.

“Those are excuses… I’m not telling you to quit your job or anything, just try doing auditions on your free time, perhaps get a mixtape rolling? I know you have some contacts from college and the music school. Taeil, if there’s anyone who can do it, it’s you. You have the most perfect voice.” Donghyuck spoke louder and ruder than he had originally meant, but he hoped it would make him change his mind. Taeil’s lack of confidence had somehow made him forget his bad mood for an instant.

“You were always infatuated with my voice.” He whispered, in an almost melodic tone.

“Not only. But yes.”

The brown haired nodded, breaking the eye contact and looking around the room for a little. He was doing that less often but it was still a habit of his. “What do you want to know?”

“Why did Taeyong break up with you?” He asked in a heartbeat. It had been eating him for years. When he first met Taeil, he had started dating the drop dead gorgeous engineer major Lee Taeyong. The relationship lasted for around three years and during those, Donghyuck adored Taeyong. The man was shyer than his looks would suggest and would treat Taeil as a proper prince, it was impossible for Donghyuck not to grow favorable of him. Yet, when he was around fifteen years old, his visits halted and he never saw them together again.

“How do you know it wasn’t me breaking up with him?”

“Johnny told me.”

“Ah, how much does Johnny tell about me?” He complained, but chuckled at the end. He could never get upset with Johnny. If not even Donghyuck could and he was his brother, no one else had the ability to be mad at that giant-big-smiled softie. They sometimes got annoyed, Johnny had an energy hard to keep up with, but he had never done anything to hurt a fly, and the feeling went by quickly.

“Not nearly enough. And most of the time I’m too afraid to ask…”

Taeil’s eyes lost themselves in the room again, probably not seeing anything besides his memories. “Time went by. I wasn’t in love with him anymore. We became friends. I couldn’t see it, but he did.”

“He was pretty hurt in the end.” Donghyuck once again regretted his brainless tongue. Taeil’s face instantly contorted to one of bitterness after hearing that comment.

“I hurt people I guess. Look at you.”

If only he knew he hurt him with words like these, he would drop them. Donghyuck brushed it away, knowing nothing good would come from going against one of Taeil’s strongest beliefs about himself.

“Do you like Johnny?”

Taeil shook his head, but it wasn’t an answer to Hyuck’s dying question, “You make too many questions.”

“You asked me to.”

“Let me ask you one, then? Two, for it to be fair.” The younger shrugged and Taeil played with his feet before approaching him. He bit his bottom lip while asking: “Tell me an interesting fact about you.”

“I like singing. Next.”

The outrage on Taeil’s face was as if Donghyuck announced he felt pleasure in taking candy from children’s hands. “Not fair! I know that!”

“You know everything there is to know about me, you watched me grow!” Donghyuck whined back. His bad mood might not have gone away completely.

“That’s a lie.” Taeil crossed his arms, waiting for a proper answer. Donghyuck rolled his eyes, leaning against the couch’s arm while trying to think of something Taeil couldn’t possibly know about him.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.” He confessed, words sounding too loud against the silent living room.

He shot right in the target. The older’s jaw dropped. “Oh? I always thought you and Renjun...”

“Jealous of Renjun, huh.” Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips. Taeil huffed in response and he dropped the act. “People wanted that to happen, differently from us.” The other nodded encouragingly but didn’t reply. “It’s normal right? For a twenty year old to have never dated before?”

“Of course, Hyuckie.” Taeil answered reassuringly, his tone being sweeter when saying Donghyuck’s name. He then started to slowly caress the younger’s feet with his own.

“I had other infatuations but there was always something. Either I was more involved than they were, they had partners or lived far away… it was never meant to be.” He turned his head to Taeil once again. He had been paying attention to his words and Donghyuck felt exposed. Hyuck’s talking non stop was possibly his biggest enemy. “Now… what’s your real question to me?”

“What would you do if I said I like Johnny?” Hyuck wasn’t the one who had questions stuck in his throat. Taeil had asked so rapidly, he almost didn’t understood what was spoken.

“I’d say you’re lying.” The reply came in a heartbeat. He was unfazed. That dilemma had been crawling under Donghyuck’s skin for too long for him not to have an answer for it. “You think I didn’t want you to be into Johnny? That would hurt me so much I’d have to get over you. I know it’s sick and twisted to only consider a person unavailable when they are dating or into someone else, but I can’t control my thoughts and if there was a slight hope you could see me as more than little Hyuckie, I’d take it.”

“You can’t be sure of everything you see.”

Donghyuck changed positions, taking his feet from the couch and getting closer to Taeil. “You’re right, I trust my eyes too much. Look at me and tell me, Taeil, are you in love with Johnny?”

“No.” The answer came with a big breath out. Donghyuck’s heart felt the same.

“Are you in love with anyone at the moment?”

“No.”

A sad smile lingered on his lips. “That’s disappointing, I hoped the last answer would be me.”

“Hyuck.”

“Taeil.” The older’s tone had a hint of desperation in contrast to Donghyuck’s relaxed answer.

“Please.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m stronger than I look. I think you’re the one suffering here.”

“What do I do to make you stop?”

“Give me a reason besides Johnny and me getting hurt, because those two won’t do.”

“If I say I don’t like you, what will you say?”

Donghyuck gulped and chuckled, playing with his hands. “You’re going overboard with the questions, I think it’s my turn.”

“Just answer this please.” Taeil changed positions too, his bare feet were on the floor but his torso was on Donghyuck’s direction.

Fuck himself and his lack of will to ever say no to Taeil. “I’ll give up on you. Entirely.” He announced, finding the strength to look at Taeil’s eyes. The older stared at him in complete silence. Donghyuck’s throat clenched, his palms were sweaty and his head was throbbing. He wished Taeil would say something quick, like ripping a bandaid. It would probably generate a wound instead of healing, but Donghyuck knew it was a possibility from the start. The older just bit his bottom lip, looking nervously at the younger. “Will you say it?”

Donghyuck decided to be as bold as he was accused of being and moved closer to Taeil, heads centimeters apart. The older closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Hyuck’s. Both of them breathed rapidly. Donghyuck tilted his head, feeling Taeil’s warm breath against his mouth. His own heart was beating so fast he could hear it and it got him on his nerves. Taeil’s forehead was warm against his. They shared that moment, rapid breath against one another, heartbeats keeping the same rhythm. Donghyuck didn’t know what to do. He wanted Taeil to open his eyes. If he saw them he would know what the other needed. It was the only thing he missed to close the distance between their lips and take his breath to himself. His eyes remained closed. Donghyuck’s hands gently caressed Taeil’s thighs, who muffled a whine, but did not move an inch to stop him. Hyuck kept moving his fingers up and down his thigh, waiting for Taeil to either open his eyes or make a move. They remained in that position, still breathing fast, sweats in their foreheads mixing, breath becoming one.

Donghyuck couldn’t wait for Taeil’s eyes forever. He distanced himself from the older. The moment his foreheads stopped touching and Hyuck removed his hands, Taeil opened his eyes.

They heard keys and the door opening. They weren’t alone anymore and both distanced each other, moving to sit anywhere in the living room but that couch.

  
☾☼☽  
  


That scene more than filled Donghyuck’s brain as he adjusted white flowers in a vase. Not even their sweet smell could take the memory of the pine sweaty scent that intoxicated Hyuck as he approached Taeil. The feel of his thighs on his fingertips was heavenly and it couldn’t be recreated with any other thing. He had never been so close to Taeil and that had put him in full daydream mode, reimagining the scene every second of the day.

“Are Chenle and Renjun coming tomorrow, sunny?” His mom’s question made him return to the real world for a second. He took a quick look at his cellphone, checking to see if there were any new messages.

He had been texting Taeil, sending him links for auditions and casual memes. The older wasn’t as fast at replying, probably not the best at technology either, but he would nonetheless, sending Donghyuck songs on SoundCloud, cheap good samples he found surfing the web and ideas for his music.

Donghyuck’s mother, however, looked at him over the flowers she was carefully picking to put in her vase. She didn’t look very happy, it didn’t matter how the lilies on her hands made her look angelic. Her message was clear: drop the phone. That was exactly what Hyuck did, carefully picking more lilies on the bucket to put in another vase.

“I don’t know about Chenle…”

“Why not?”

“He’s upset with me.”

“He can be as upset as he wants, he shouldn’t miss my birthday.” She announced, a smart smirk gracing her lips. Most women would probably dread their 50th birthday. Ms. Lee didn’t blame them. She understood it was a factor of misogyny, linking the women’s best years of life to the ones in which society considered them the most beautiful. Having majored in women’s studies, she was of a different idea, and every year was a blessing to which she greeted with a big smile. Her 50th birthday was going to be a ball, with a dance floor and people from all over the country. She couldn’t contain her excitement and called every single one she knew to help her prepare. In that list, it included her youngest son and current bouquet specialist, Lee Donghyuck.

“Thanks, mom.”

She took her eyes from the flowers again. “Why are you two like this?”

“I’m doing something he disapproves of.” Donghyuck answered vaguely. She hummed and got back to her flowers, probably used to their fights by now. “Mom, how do I know I like someone for what they are and not because they are out of reach?”

“Sunny looking for advice from me… It’s been a while.” She took a flower that was half dead already out of the bouquet, adjusting it to perfection. There was a clear difference between her bouquets and Donghyuck bouquets but there was no mention of it.

“Let me be…”

“Well, do you feel you like them for what they are?”

“Yeah… Everything they do gets me so heated up. A smile, a chuckle, his eyes opening after sleeping… I love talking to him, he gets me riled up and everything about him just draws me to his aura.” Flashbacks of moments spent with Taeil went through his mind and his heart warmed. “He has always been forbidden, so I can’t know for sure if it’s him or the impossibility.”

His mother paid attention to his words, but chose not to answer them directly. “You know why Eve ate the apple?”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “Must you repeat the same stories all the time?”

The answer came on the same tone. “Must you be so annoying all the time?”

“She desired it because it was forbidden.”

“She would never know how good it was until she had a taste from it.” His mother corrected, a smug smile on her lips before walking to be next to her son. “You have to take a bite.”

“If I could I would have done it a long time ago…” He sighed, paying attention to the lily on his hand. Did Taeil like flowers? Or did he find them useless? If only he knew the answer he could sneak one out of his mother’s gaze. She would know he stole it, but would appreciate the effort and not mention it.

“You can never be sure if you’ll like him once you have him, but then again that’s true for every relationship. It’s important to try, it’s important to taste, it’s important to be banned from paradise if you will. You will never know what’s out there if you don’t.” Donghyuck looked defeated. It was impossible to prove to Taeil something he couldn’t know it himself. He was playing a losing game. His mother must have noticed, because she added: “There are some ways you can be more certain. Have you ever wondered what do you look for in a partner?”

“I don’t know, I’ve known him for so long I think I built my expectations on partners around him.”

“That’s too much of a bar for him to handle.”

“I’ve been told I adore him.”

“But have you tried changing that first idea?”

Donghyuck dropped the single lily on his hand, leaning on the kitchen counter to think. He had spent much more time with Taeil those last weeks and even if he wished they were all about flirting and the older falling for his charms, nothing happened according to plan. He had wiped Taeil’s tears, argued back against his nonsensical logic, wanted him to go away so he’d never see him again. He had learned new things from Taeil and yet he remained as attracted to him as he was before. Donghyuck was lying to himself by saying that. He was even more infatuated with Taeil after spending so much time with him.

“Yeah… I actually have.”

“And what did you find?”

“Someone who is annoyingly stubborn and patronizing… He’s also very insecure and doesn’t believe he can do any good. He looks so soft and malleable, but in reality he’s nothing like that…” Donghyuck sighed. It was hard talking about Taeil that critically, but he never hid anything from his mother and he had to speak his heart or that wouldn’t work. “Even so, he still listens to me, when he could block me out entirely. He still gives in to my touches and affection.”

“Sounds like you’ve already taken a bite.” She caressed Donghyuck’s hair lovingly, to then cup his cheek, just like Taeil did to him.

“I’m addicted to it.” The confession pained him, but he couldn’t hide from him.

“Invite him to my birthday.” She winked at him, and went back to her bouquets. Another thing about his mother: she never spent longer than necessary discussing problems. She had told him once she thought necessary she showed the way, but the rest of the path should be discovered by him.

Donghyuck chuckled with her answer. She had the best advice, always listened to Donghyuck, had smart enough comebacks so her son wouldn’t confuse her like he did with everybody. Yet, no matter how smart she was, she remained naive.

“He’s already a guest.”

  
☾☼☽  
  


His mother had overdone herself greatly. She had thrown big parties before but never like this. Donghyuck adjusted his suit as he entered the shining ballroom. He had dressed accordingly, the color of choice being black and accompanied by a small purple flower on his lapel, expecting to give it to a lucky one if he had the chance. Even so well dressed and with gel on his hair, it was hard not feeling a little out of place among so many people dressed fancily.

He got down the stairs slowly, trying to see if the people he knew were there. Chenle and Renjun were next to the bar, chatting and drinking. He could recognize most of his relatives around the room and his mother was at the end of the staircase, greeting anyone who entered, while dressed in a dazzling sky blue dress. She smiled the brightest at the sight of her son and hugged him for just enough time for her fragrance to choke him.

Donghyuck congratulated on her half a century and took another glance at the decorations. The concept was taken off of Van Gogh’s Starry Night, the tables being blue while chairs were yellow, and the dancefloor gave the impression to be in the middle of the sky, with gold stars hanging from the ceiling. He made sure he complimented it all, giving special focus to the beautiful bouquets and asking for the number of the person who prepared such beautiful flower combination.

His mother smiled at her son’s silliness and assured him she would send the number after he had talked to his relatives like the polite son of a host. He nodded and walked around the room greeting his family. He had a big one, especially on his mother’s side, and everyone had endless compliments to how beautiful the party was. There were also the very common phrases you’d hear from family members, such as “How much you’ve grown!”, “I haven’t seen you in ages.” or “Wow, Johnny, you’re beautiful.” After telling a couple of relatives he wasn’t Johnny and lying about visiting more, he escaped to the bathroom, where he found his father hiding from everyone while drinking a glass of wine.

They had a couple of relaxed laughs, his father sharing the latest crazy stories from how Aunt Namjoo was raising a little demon with how spoiled her son was, but soon they were found by Johnny, who informed them the host of the party was very upset to find the two men in the bathroom of yet another party. The two men left their cave defeated.

Entering the ballroom again, he could see there were many more people than before. At least, they were all entertaining themselves, so he had the chance to greet his friends and spend the night with them for a change. He was walking towards their direction on the bar, when a voice, heard even with the loud music, made him instantly freeze.

“Look who’s handsome.”

Donghyuck shifted around his feet to see a sweet-smiling Taeil. Fortunately, he didn’t wear any hair gel and his bangs still fell slightly on his eyes.

“Are you talking about yourself?” Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, as taking a slow look over Taeil’s physique. He was wearing a dark grey suit, keeping it simple and yet different from most men. His tie was purple too and Donghyuck almost offered the flower in his pocket on sight.

The compliment was ignored and Taeil glanced around the room. “Your mom threw a beautiful birthday party.”

“She has taste. I’m her favorite son after all.”

The sound of Taeil’s laugh made butterflies swirl inside Donghyuck’s stomach. “Johnny disagrees.”

Donghyuck took a step closer, murmuring: “Well, there are a lot of things he doesn’t know.”

There was no chance for Taeil to even open his mouth to answer, a voice calling stole his attention away: “Taeil-ah! You came!”

Johnny yelled, opening his way through the sea of people and looking beyond excited.

“Yeah, gonna congratulate your mother now”

“Forget about it! Let’s dance.” He caught Taeil’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor, where loud 80s music was playing and most people were having fun shaking their bones to the old songs. Donghyuck stood there a little longer, fondly watching them both dance. Johnny was much more fluid than Taeil, and often made funny dance steps, to which the older followed with a big smile on his face. He then turned his head and saw Hyuck’s gaze, smile stretching his lips further. The golden haired gave him a thumbs up before breaking the eye contact and finally moving towards the bar, where his friends currently were.

Renjun offered him a green apple candy the minute he spotted Hyuck, already picking five from his suit’s pocket and putting them on his friend’s hand. It didn’t matter how many times Donghyuck said he looked like a grandmother offering candy to her grandkids, he always did, smiling.

“Renjun is that friend who always offers cigarettes and weed, but instead he offers candy.” Chenle murmured, making the other two laugh in unison. Donghyuck and Chenle exchanged their first glance after almost two weeks not speaking to each other. The day before Renjun had filled their group chat with audios, memes and caps lock messages begging Chenle to come to the birthday party. After two hours of being left on read, Renjun made his last threat. He would not forgive Chenle if he didn’t come keep him company. He had his answer in less than a minute.

There was peace, even if unsteady. Donghyuck missed his friend and wanted to share with him the latest discoveries he had found about Taeil’s relationship with Johnny. He knew the name would only cause drama, so the smart choice was made of sticking to what they usually chattered about.

From time to time, a family member would interrupt their conversation to talk to Hyuck, ask him about college and all that jazz. Donghyuck would answer politely and soon go back to his friends. There was nothing different about those chitchats, until his aunt Namjoo’s observation before leaving: “Your brother’s boyfriend gets more handsome every year.”

Donghyuck, who was already turning his head to Chenle and Renjun, froze on the spot. “Excuse me?” He didn’t understand the question. Yuta was back in Japan, that was why he and Johnny had broken up in the first place. Perhaps he had come back for this special event.

“They dance so nicely.” He followed his aunt’s gaze and saw where it was set: on Johnny and Taeil on the dance floor.

Donghyuck opened and closed his mouth several times, but Renjun intervened before he thought of an answer. “Let it be, Hyuck.”

It was easy dismissing that conversation. His aunt Namjoo was a known wacko that started gossip out of nowhere. She claimed to adore Donghyuck and Johnny, but was often found whispering what a shame that both her sister’s sons weren’t straight. Nothing that came from that woman’s mouth mattered. However, she wasn’t the only one to say inconvenient things.

“Johnny really sealed the deal with Taeil, huh?” Donghyuck’s cousin barged in the conversation without even a proper hello.

“They aren’t dating.” The reply was as dry as Hyuck’s mouth.

“Everyone seems to think so.” He shrugged, looking at the two, who had gotten out of the dance floor and were talking while seated in one of the empty tables. Relatives would bother Donghyuck all night, but not even try talking to Johnny, perhaps afraid of being impolite.

“Everyone thinks they are the most interesting people in the world. They are wrong.” He answered acidly. His cousin most probably didn’t understand what he meant, but the tone of it was clear, and he backed off.

Donghyuck turned to his friends exasperated, ready to forget his personal rule of not mentioning Taeil to Chenle: “I swear to god, if I see anyone else commenting about Johnny’s fucking boyfriend…”

“Taeil? He’s a sweet piece of heaven.”

_Well, this is my own personal hell._

His sweet, almost deaf grandmother had killed the last bit of patience left in Hyuck’s brain. He didn’t even mind answering her or explaining himself to his friends.

“Fuck this.” He muttered, before crossing the room to go for the porch. Air. He needed air and an actual starry sky, with no ceiling. He was trapped inside that room with his family asking him about their favorite couple.

Cold air hit his face the second he stepped outside. There was a shock due to temperature and change of light. No matter how much the city lights shone, the night sky and its darkness was too vast for those small lights to have any chance. Donghyuck stabilized his breath and heartbeat, as his eyes were lost in the busy street two stores below. He could spend the whole night there alone, circling himself on his pain and only returning when he had to sing his mother happy birthday and waltz with her.

Knowing Chenle and Renjun, they probably understood Donghyuck needed his alone time. He often got overwhelmed at parties and his family’s questions only worsened his state . They just hit him right in the heart with their Johnny and Taeil questions. They were right after all. Everyone saw Johnny and Taeil as a couple because they were made for each other.

Johnny’s eyes were in the constant state of half moons, as he laughed at Taeil’s cuteness at every moment, and he always cheered him the loudest. Taeil felt safe with Johnny, speaking with him more than with most people and glowing at the sight of him. They already lived together, sometimes even traveled together. They even had sex, for fuck’s sake. Perhaps they were a couple and the only ones who couldn’t notice it were each other.

Even with those signals, Donghyuck couldn’t see them together. There was something missing, lost in the confusion and grey area that were human relationships, but that something was the exact difference Hyuck felt more than overloaded between him and Taeil. And yet… it was only in his mind.

He heard steps coming from the ballroom to the porch. His stomach warmed thinking perhaps it would be his object of affection coming to save him from his own mind.

“Are you leaving my birthday, sunny?” If the feminine voice didn’t make it clear enough it wasn’t him, the nickname more than assure Donghyuck that it wasn’t. His mother leaned on the porch, watching the night on the city next to her son.

“No, mom…” He choked out, not turning to look at her. She touched his chin and moved her hand to caress his hair. The warm touch brought sudden tears to Donghyuck’s eyes. He turned to his mother and leaned over her shoulder, hiccuping and letting some tears wet her dress.

“Sunny… what happened?” She caressed his hair calmly, but her tone was more urgent. Donghyuck quickly recomposed himself and got out of her arms.

“_He_ happened.” He bitterly spoke, cleaning his runny nose with a handkerchief he had in his pocket.

“What did he do?” His mother took the messy hair from his forehead fondly.

“Keeps giving me mixed signals. He gives in to my advances but never totally. I’m offering him the apple and he just won’t bite, no matter how much I try.”

“Does he want this?”

“If he doesn’t, he’s really fucked up in the head because he’s been flirting back.”

“You think he’s fucked up in the head?”

“I don’t think he would do this purposely, he’s incapable of being mean. It doesn’t change the fact this hurts.”

“Jealousy eating you inside?” The question caught him off guard. His mother mention of jealousy was too much from the information he had given her. He spared a look at her again. She knew. He couldn’t say how much she knew, but just enough to be sure who Hyuck was suffering for. Perhaps she wasn’t so naive after all. Growing this crush ever since a teenage boy, it wasn’t the best kept secret he’s had. He never thought it would come true, even if dreaming about it constantly. Taeil had Taeyong at the time and when they broke up, Donghyuck tried to convince himself he had gotten over him to be overly joyous. His mother was always there nonetheless, to hear him happily hum songs across the house when it was announced Taeil would be spending another end of the year holiday with them.

“He doesn’t like Johnny. I just don’t like people assuming they are a couple. It makes me feel like he wouldn’t consider me as a boyfriend… He and Johnny make sense, while us two…” He lost his train of thought as his eyes traveled back to the room. He could still hear the music and people talking loudly, yet he was completely out of sync with that energy, tears still drying on his cheeks.

“Wanna go home?” The question made his eyes turn back to his mother. She was truly out of this world that night, to the point she could be in the red carpet of a famous award and wouldn’t be out of place. Her hair was put in a tight bun with a star on it. She belonged to that sky dancefloor like the star she was, but she stayed with his son, cheering his broken heart.

“You think I’m mad stupid for leaving your 50th birthday because of a dumb boy.” A self condescending smile appeared on his lips, the first ever since he had ran to the porch to be alone. “I did fall for him, but I’m not that stupid.”

“What will cheer you up?”

“Right now? You going back to your party and enjoying the hell out of it.”

She approached him and kissed his forehead, before going back to the light. Donghyuck spent a few more minutes alone, heart more relaxed from speaking to his mother. He dreaded the idea of going back to that room and facing his family members. One last breath and he stepped back into the light.

His friends were seated on a table now and he simply pulled a chair to join their conversation. They made no mention of Hyuck angrily leaving and put him up with the gossip in no time, telling about his father literally running away from Aunt Namjoo and his grandmother sneaking a candy or two under her purse when she was supposed to be on a strict diet.

He was slowly relaxing on his chair, adding more old stories of his family. Most of them Chenle and Renjun knew, so they just finished after Donghyuck started them. He was in the middle of his cousin’s pathetic cheating scandal, when both of their faces went grave. Donghyuck didn’t even have time to ask them what was happening, he felt fingers tapping on his shoulder that made him turn his head.

“Hyuck? Dance with me?” Taeil had a hopeful half smile on his lips and was uneasy on his feet. Donghyuck blinked twice to make sure he wasn’t imagining it.

“Where’s Johnny?” The younger asked, looking behind him to see if his older brother was somewhere. Maybe he had dared Taeil to ask him to dance.

“Socializing with relatives.” was his answer. Taeil awaited expectedly, his eyes not moving an inch further from Hyuck’s face.

At that exact moment, Donghyuck wanted many things. He wanted to ask his friends what did they think Taeil was up to, he wanted to question the older if the only time he mattered was when his brother was busy, but still, most of all, he wanted to dance with him.

“It’s a slow song.”

The mood on the dancefloor had changed from pop to ballad. Donghyuck couldn’t be sure if it happened before or after Taeil asked him to dance.

Taeil offered his hand, looking unshaken with the remark. “What about it?” Donghyuck took it and they walked holding hands to the dance floor. Taeil laid both his hands on Donghyuck’s shoulders, while the other didn’t know what to do with his. “C’mon, don’t be afraid to put your hands on my hips. That never stopped you before.”

Donghyuck gulped and placed them on his waist. Taeil was centimeters apart as they started slow dancing across the sky-like dancefloor. There was nowhere else to look besides his face, and Taeil looked absolutely glowing, a restless half smile on his lips and bright eyes, probably due to a drink and the room’s lights.

“Why are you doing this?” Donghyuck whispered.

Taeil arched his eyebrows. “You don’t like dancing with me? C’mon, I’m not that bad.”

“It exhilarates me dancing with you. I like the feel of your curves against my hand. I enjoy guiding you across the dance floor. I love your face so close to mine and that I’m taller than you, even if only by a few centimeters.” He pressed on Taeil’s hips and brought their bodies closer to each other. Even not wanting to, his eyes still traveled to Taeil’s lips. “Why are you flirting with me, Taeil?”

He had lost his smile and didn’t look up to face Hyuck anymore. “You’re seeing things that aren’t there.”

The answer enraged Donghyuck, but he tried to keep his tone low. “Don’t do this. I asked you not to make me think I’m insane. The request remains.”

They continued dancing in silence. Taeil’s hands drew patterns on Hyuck’s shoulder and the younger brushed his thumb on the area of his hips. The dance didn’t require much, as it was a slow song, but that also meant there was nowhere else to look besides each other. The atmosphere between them was awkward but still not one of them suggested to sit this one out or any lame excuse to stop dancing. They just kept swirling around, appreciating the other’s warmth.

“I don’t know.” Taeil confessed suddenly. Donghyuck took a second to understand what he meant, but he then realized it was an answer to his first question.

“Will you kiss me?”

He didn’t hesitate.

“No.”

“Why?”

“You’re like a little brother to me.”

“Do you ask little brothers’ to hold you by the hips? Do you always flush when they compliment you? Do you caress their shoulders when they dance with you?” At each question, Donghyuck approached a centimeter further. Taeil did not back away but he looked annoyed.

“Stop.”

“No. I always do whatever you ask me to. This time I won’t. You have to face this.”

“You’re creating this-“

“Taeil. _Please_.”

Taeil sighed, looking helpless. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to admit you like me more than as your little brother. I want you to admit you will kiss me because I see your eyes dropping to my lips. I want you, even after you’ve hurt me so much.”

They had stopped dancing, standing in the middle of the dance floor.

“I said I’d hurt you.”

“You’re only doing that because you keep saying this.”

“You’re my little brother, Hyuckie, I can’t ruin it.”

“Keep doing it anyway.” Taeil didn’t answer, looking regretful. Hyuck took a look at the purple flower on his lapel and knew he would be going back home with it tonight. “Ah, I could just do it, you know? Lean over and taste your lips. I know you want this. You send me so many mixed signals, must be confused yourself, so I want you to realize it on your own.”

Taeil finally got out of Donghyuck’s arms, stepping back. “I think it’s best for us to stop dancing.”

“I think it’s best for me to stop jumping for the highest apple in the tree.”

  
☾☼☽  
  


Donghyuck created a fortress at his apartment. He didn’t allow anyone to come, relying on Jungwoo to tell them he was sick. He drowned in his own sorrow, writing songs for hours and enjoying his heartbreak. Songwriting at least brought the sense of productivity whenever he was sad or feeling more philosophical.

Chenle was the first one to break in. He had threatened Jungwoo to the point Hyuck’s roommate had no choice but to let the green haired one come through. To say he was livid of anger was an understatement. Chenle didn’t waste time wiping Hyuck’s tears, he had never done so. Instead he went on a rant about how selfish it was for Donghyuck to lock himself out of the world, not even bothering to answer texts or calls. Had Donghyuck even showered lately? Did he know how much Renjun was suffering?

Donghyuck then asked if it was only Renjun. It was the first time he had spoken during that conversation but it sure left Chenle speechless for a few seconds at least. “Of course it’s not just Renjun, you idiot.” Donghyuck hummed uninterested. He was too tired for any of that. Chenle stopped trying to fight him. Before leaving the apartment, he said: “I know I haven’t been supportive of things you’ve done lately and I’m not saying I regret it. I think you need someone to put some sense in your mind from time to time. But I don’t want you to think that should ever stop you from talking about broken hearts with me.” Donghyuck knew he should thank Chenle for making the effort of saying that or just hug his friend, show that it really mattered to him. Yet, he was exhausted from emotions, so he just nodded his head, as he closed the door behind him.

The second one to break in was Renjun. He brought Chenle with him. He didn’t scold or mention Hyuck’s absence. He sat on the couch between the two, offered them candy and turned on the laptop to watch a trash horror movie. Donghyuck didn’t say anything, he let himself be handled, and at the end of it Renjun smiled kindly at him.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but let us help however we can.”

Donghyuck couldn’t make himself ask Renjun to try changing Taeil’s mind. “Let’s watch more movies.” And so Chenle and Renjun broke the fortress, even if they couldn’t ask what was wrong or mention Taeil’s name, Donghyuck built himself again next to his friends. He wasn’t completely tired out anymore.

Yet, even if unmentioned and unseen for many weeks, Taeil wouldn’t leave his mind. He tried his best not to think of him, knowing he should get over it already. He had tried his best and it would never work out. His dreams didn’t make it easy for him to vanish.

Some of them were romantic. They were scenarios of him dating Taeil, going to places with him, gently kissing his lips and bickering about what they would do on a lovely sunny day. He would wake up with a warm feeling in his chest, ready to text Taeil about how the precious day had swept him off his feet, but in a few seconds the realization hit him. It was all in his mind. Happiness was gone instantly and Donghyuck felt guilt take over him for the lack of control he had over his unconscious. Even after being let down constantly, he still dreamed of dates with him.

Other times, his nightly travels would lead him to angsty story lines where Taeil would say they were never meant to be, Donghyuck was a child, he should learn how to live without him. Hyuck would try arguing with him, but sometimes found himself lacking words, as he ran after a long gone Taeil. He returned to reality gasping for air, hating the image of that cold hearted man in his head. Still, he’d rather have those nightmares than the fantasy of dates, since at least one of them didn’t disappoint him when waking up. He feared the happy dreams as they made him not want to live in reality.

There was still a third kind of dream, a very rare occurrence but that had only ever happened with Taeil involved and left another kind of guilt under Hyuck’s sheet. He woke up with hard ons to take care of and only the imagination of what Taeil’s body would taste like to ease himself.

Never had he dreamed of Taeil that much before, not even when he was overdosing himself with his presence. Donghyuck couldn’t understand what was happening, he wanted those senseless dreams to stop, as they kept reminding him of the thing he was working so hard to forget. It got to the point in which he woke up relieved he hadn’t dreamt of Taeil the night before and that saddened him, as he thought of him instantly when waking up. Perhaps his unconscious was making up for the lack of Taeil in his life at the moment… Unfortunately it couldn’t keep this up forever. Donghyuck couldn’t keep dreaming of Taeil till he died.

He asked Chenle if he could get him any melatonin for sleep. To dream was to be in the shallowest stage of sleeping and he hoped that with the hormone, he would at least skip those. Chenle brought the medication without making any questions, but Donghyuck was still to take it. He was finally faced with the question if he wanted Taeil to leave him dreams.

There were other things to worry about, and that was the third intruder to his fortress, who sneaked in while Donghyuck lazily played his guitar. “Long time no see.”

He didn’t look up to see his brother. His fingers brushed the cords on the instrument before he set aside and turned to him, offering him the couch.

“It was time you dropped by my apartment for a change. Jungwoo has the fattest crush on you.” Unfortunately for his roommate, he was out at college. Johnny had gotten in with his own key.

“Are you avoiding me again?” His brother sat on the couch. Being worried didn’t make him less relaxed, as he had his legs open and was very spread out.

“Not you that I’m avoiding.” Donghyuck informed, an ironic smile on his lips.

Johnny didn’t seem shocked by the news. “What happened between you two?”

“People get distant, you know…”

“You broke up?”

If Donghyuck had been lacking on emotional responses for the last month, Johnny had just fixed him with a simple question. He straightened his back on the armchair and tried asking without choking: “_Broke up_? Fuck, Johnny, how much weed have you been smoking?”

“You don’t need to hide it from me anymore. I could see you were dating.” His brother replied dead serious, unfazed by Donghyuck’s sarcastic smile.

“Could you? How is it to have a third eye to another dimension?”

Johnny sighed and leaned back on the couch. “I hate your stupid comebacks.”

“I hate your delusional reality.” Donghyuck‘s lie slipped from his lips accompanied by an annoying smile.

The other shook his head. “I saw you two! I ignored because I thought you needed to keep it private before telling me, but now that you are like this I have to intervene.”

Donghyuck decided to stop being so upfront about everything. He gestured for Johnny to keep talking. “What drew you to the conclusions we were dating?”

“I felt something going on, you are too obvious in your secrecy. Then I thought I was seeing things. I had brushed any idea about that aside when I kissed Taeil and… well, you were upset, obviously. That was just confirmation.” His eyes dropped to his hands. Donghyuck wouldn’t speak about that night. He shouldn’t even talk about Taeil, but Johnny being there made everything harder. “Sorry about that… But it was cute you shared a bed.”

“Ah, Johnny-hyung. You big, silly, dumbass. Please stop smoking, it messes with your brain. You saw something that wasn’t there.”

His brother frowned. “No way, Hyuck, you were all over each other.”

Donghyuck smiled bittersweetly. He had thought before no one could see what he was doing, but young people did indeed think they were too smart for their own good. “_I _was all over Taeil indeed. I have, I mean, had, a silly childish crush. I’m making sure I grow out of it.”

“You weren’t dating? He was all over you too.” Damn the butterflies swirling in his stomach with only knowing he wasn’t seeing things and Taeil was answering to his affection.

“Try telling him that.”

“Stop circling yourself on your nest of self hatred and sarcasm, explain to me what happened.”

“If you insist.”

He kept it simple, too embarrassed of his chasing to go into details. He was honest about his drive and how at first he only ever wanted Taeil, but got to know him better and fall for him. Donghyuck was still bold, couldn’t help it, but he was also softer and truer to Taeil. Johnny interrupted from time to time, asking questions or expressing surprise. He shook his head when Hyuck finished the story.

“Dumb Taeil-ah… He’s been like this ever since Taeyong. You being younger probably doesn’t help.”

“Gonna change my age. Wait for me a bit.”

“This doesn’t help either.”

“It’s how I cope.”

“Talk to him.”

“About what?” Donghyuck inquired, pretending to be naive. Finally, his brother lost his patience.

“It’s hard to talk to you like this!”

“I haven’t had it easy either!”

“You are both so stubborn!”

The word ‘both’ caught Donghyuck’s attention and his voice dropped volume. “What did you say to him?”

“I didn’t imply you were dating, I merely suggested he should text you or something. He thinks you hate him.”

“But is he wrong?”

“One last conversation. Set things straight and that’s it. You can keep ignoring each other, I just want you two to have closure.” His brother looked worried, almost anxious. Donghyuck couldn’t see what a last conversation would bring him besides freshening up his presence on his brain. More material for Donghyuck’s unconsciousness to work on. “I’m telling you this as your older brother. I gave you space when you needed, but just hear me out this time.”

Johnny didn’t say anything more, expecting an answer. Donghyuck nodded and it was settled.

  
☾☼☽

How many times had Donghyuck knocked on that door and how many times had Taeil answered it. They were all very similar if he thought about it. He could do a movieclip of time going by, showing Taeil opening the door with different clothes and yet the same sleepy face and sweet smile, as Donghyuck appeared confidently, almost barging in with a new activity for them to do together. As the song progressed the closer they became. Taeil would initiate the cuddles while watching movies now and Donghyuck would talk about himself more. The supercut would end with both of them with their foreheads touching in that silent living room.

The feeling was different as he crossed the hallway, throat throbbing and mouth dry. Donghyuck stood in the front door for a few minutes, thinking that might be his last time he was there in a while. Most of the time, people don’t know they are experiencing things that would never happen again, they would cease happening naturally. The last time you went out with your friends on the playground or the last time you texted someone you lost touch with were all unmarked events. The pain and weight of knowing it was a goodbye made everything harder. The carpet looked cleaner, the hallway lights dimmer and that door… it looked like a fortress, no matter if Hyuck had the key to it or not.

He knocked on it. It took a few minutes, but the door was opened. Taeil didn’t look like the mess Donghyuck wished him to be. He was dressed in his usual at home clothes and had his hair brushed. His initial shock at seeing Hyuck was clear, but his expressions toughened quickly.

“What are you doing here?” He inquired, while crossing his arms. Donghyuck simply pushed a paper against his chest, while walking in without being invited. “What’s this?” Hyuck didn’t answer and chose not to go to the couch and went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water silently. Taeil followed him, after having read the sheet. “I won’t sing this.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” He answered calmly. Taeil was far more agitated.

“It’s a warning.”

“What do you think of it?”

“You want to hurt me? You’ve succeeded.”

“That’s far from my wishes.”

“This song is so angry.”

“I’m angry.”

“Why?” Taeil’s voice was lower and softer than before.

“It’s in the song.”

“It’s unfinished.” He remarked. Donghyuck shrugged and turned his eyes to his glass of water. “Stop giving me short answers. Didn’t you come here to talk?”

“In the end you know exactly how I feel, Taeil. I’ve made it clear.”

“You know how I feel too.”

“It didn’t change?” His eyes turned from the cup. His last bit of hope was being crushed before his eyes by an unfazed man.

“Why would it?

There was a lump in his throat, but fortunately he didn’t have problems expressing himself. “I’d expect you missed me.” Taeil didn’t answer. The silence that came after was so thick that they could hear water dripping in the sink. “Whatever, what can I expect? I can’t do this right now. I am going to do what I should have done the first time you said no. I’m sorry I didn’t listen and only sank further into this, seeing things that didn’t exist… Sorry if my advancements ever made you uncomfortable. Sorry for… all of this shit honestly. I have no one to blame but myself because I was the one who started it all.” His breathing was heavy. He had a bittersweet feeling over his time with Taeil. He appreciated having Taeil alone to himself, cuddling with him, watching movies, teasing each other, watching him take a nap. All those memories were infected by something wrong and disgusting. “I was only delusional. Perhaps you only fell for my flirting. I don’t blame you. It’s nice being the object of desire…”

“Shut up, Lee Donghyuck. I am not in love with your compliments. Don’t think so low of me.” Hyuck frowned at Taeil’s sudden burst. “Why did you start all of this? Why did you flirt with me in the first place?”

“Is it so out of this world that I consider you one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met?” He held Taeil’s gaze and only noticed his mistake after finishing his sentence. “Fuck, I’m so dumb, always flattering you too much while you give me dust in return.”

Taeil leaned on the counter, next to the golden haired, a sad and sweet smile curling on his lips. “You’re indeed too kind to me. My sweet little Hyuckie.”

“_Please_.” He begged.

“You’ll always be my little Hyuckie. A charming prince for me, trying to protect me, spoil me, flatter me, no matter how much I try to keep you away.”

“Why do you try to keep me away? Johnny doesn’t mind us. You know I’m not a kid anymore. What is it, Taeil?” It sounded like their parts had exchanged. Donghyuck had started calm as Taeil had been urgent, and now Taeil’s voice was almost dream-like and Donghyuck tried sticking him to the ground.

His questions were ignored and Taeil started fixing Hyuck’s hair, being careful not to touch his skin. “I’ve missed you so much these days, Hyuck. You can’t do this to me. Spoil me and then leave me alone. I missed our weekly movie sessions, cuddling, casual flirting… It never happened daily, but I missed you everyday, how silly, right?”

Taeil was closer now, Donghyuck didn’t know he was holding his breath until he said something: “Don’t say that to turn me down again.”

“You’re so pretty, did you know that? You often say how gorgeous I am, but Donghyuck, I’m sure you are one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen. Your beauty is impossible to be captured by pictures. I really like your cheeks. I know you hate them, but I love how they raise up when you smile and you show your little bunny teeth.”

“Why are you crying, hyung, stop crying.” There were tears running down Taeil’s cheek but the older did nothing to wipe them. Donghyuck raised his hand and brushed his thumb across his face.

“You’re restless, never give up on your goals. Always have something to say, a comeback easy on your tongue... What would I add to your life, Hyuckie? I don’t know, but you know. Perhaps you’re right and I was wrong. Perhaps you’re not the child I try to believe you are.” Taeil grabbed his hand from his face to hold it tight. He kept on smiling. Even with the tears, Donghyuck thought he looked lovely. “Your hands are cold, but soft. I like holding them until they get warm and sweaty.”

There were no other words Donghyuck could speak besides his name. “Taeil…”

He squeezed Hyuck’s hand. “Let me finish your song. Let me write the rest of the dialogue and sing with you.”

“That’s all I ever wanted.”

“Thought you wouldn’t ask me to sing.”

“Too proud for that.” He admitted in a whisper.

“Glad I asked then.” Taeil whispered back.

“Wouldn’t be able to tell you no.”As they slowly started leaning closer to each other, their foreheads touched. Taeil closed his eyes and Donghyuck followed, feeling the lump in his throat growing bigger. “Taeil, please, if you don’t want this, back off now. I am getting too lost in this.”

There was a light chuckle before he questioned; “You saw through me this entire time and you can’t see this now?”

Hyuck breathed in his scent. His forehead was warm. His hands gave him balance. His breath mixed with his own.

“I don’t… please, say I’m not seeing things.”

Taeil took a step back and Donghyuck’s eyes opened instantly at the lost of touch. He smiled wider and played with Hyuck’s hands, swinging it left and right. “Ask me again if I’m in love with anyone at this moment.”

Donghyuck’s heart was out of his chest at this point. None of his dreams had prepared him for this moment. Taeil was surely the most gorgeous man he had ever seen, with puffy cheeks from crying and the oldest tee shirt he had on, standing in that kitchen while holding Donghyuck’s hand and waiting for the question with a playful smile on his lips.

“Are you in love with anyone right now?” Donghyuck breathed out.

Taeil pressed their bodies together and spoke so lowly the ants in the counter wouldn’t be able to hear. “Yeah, there is this boy. He’s younger than me, so I was afraid he wasn’t up to the challenge. Turns out he is not just a boy anymore… He’s grown so much, he loves writing songs, listening to my blabbering and teasing me… He has me trapped.”

“That’s disappointing. I was hoping the answer would be me.”

The brown haired gave him a slight smack on the shoulders. “Silly Hyuckie…”

“If you want me to shut up, just kiss me.” He replied with a conceited smirk on his lips.

Slowly and with a trembling hand, he cupped Donghyuck’s face, who had lost his smile. Every centimeter was approached with a breath, until finally their lips touched in a sweet kiss. Taeil’s lips were rough, but full and his mouth was salty and warm. Their kiss was slow and Donghyuck wanted to keep every moment of it. He placed his hands on Taeil’s waist, bringing him closer to himself and pressing their bodies against each other. Taeil’s hand traveled to his neck and Donghyuck felt shivers as his fingertips touched his nape. He deepened the kiss, adding his tongue and being kissed back by Taeil, who put his other hand over Donghyuck’s neck for balance. The younger gripped his hips tighter and the kiss became faster and hungrier, almost as if one was stealing the air out of the other.

Eventually they were both breathless and had to halt their kiss. Donghyuck started giving small kisses before taking his lips off completely and Taeil took a step back but their bodies were still touching.

“Fuck, aren’t you the sweetest apple on the tree?” Donghyuck swore, caressing Taeil’s cheek and looking completely enamoured.

Taeil chuckled, but he probably didn’t understand the layers Donghyuck had meant with that sentence. It was okay, Hyuck would tell him that and many other things he couldn’t share before. Later, though, right now he just wanted his lips to crash with his again.

  
☾☼☽  
  


“Hyuck, you have to let go of Taeil if you want him to record the song.” His brother informed, taking his eyes off the panel and looking at the giant ball of human flesh and hoodies that were Donghyuck and Taeil. The older was seated between the younger’s leg, who squeezed his body tight against himself, murmuring how cute his Taeil-hyung was. Taeil would chuckle and sometimes try maintaining a conversation with Johnny, but others he would just give up and turn around, nuzzling against Donghyuck’s neck. Hyuck smiled brightly and they kissed.

“No.” Donghyuck announced, pressing Taeil’s chest harder against his palms and hiding his head on his neck.

“You look like a child with a teddy bear.” Johnny pointed out, but that did nothing besides drive Donghyuck to hug Taeil tighter and hide his head even further on the older’s black hoodie. “You’re hopeless.”

Donghyuck rose his head immediately and the couple said in unison: “Hopelessly in love”, laughing loudly after.

Johnny rolled his eyes, trying his best not to sound like a grumpy old man. “Good god, you’re both so annoying.”

“Channie, let me go for me to sing.” Taeil whispered and the hands around his body were instantly unwrapped. Donghyuck pouted for one last kiss and after having what he wanted, smiled happily and watched his boyfriend get inside the recording booth.

“Channie?” Johnny raised his eyebrows.

“It’s short for Haechan. It started as a joke because I said to Taeil that he should call me by my artistic name. Cute right?”

“You two are so disgusting.” Johnny turned around to look at the recording booth’s glass, where Taeil adjusted his earphones. “Talking about callbacks, how are the auditions going, Taeil-ah?”

Taeil merely frowned, pointing at the glass and then his ears. “He’s in the booth, Johnny, use the mic.”

Johnny sat down on the chair in front of the panel and pressed a button as he spoke into the mic. “How are the auditions going?”

“They’re okay. I got some callbacks for supporting roles.” Taeil spoke against his mic.

“That’s great!”

“It’s not a lead role.”

“Taeil is one of these idiots that don’t understand you don’t start a career in musical theater getting the role of Evita on the first try.” Donghyuck muttered, knowing his boyfriend wouldn’t be able to listen to him. He felt slightly guilty and raised his thumbs to the recording booth. “Though if there is anyone who can do it, it’s you, babe.”

Taeil couldn’t have known what he said, but he smiled anyways and Hyuck felt butterflies in his stomach.

Johnny approached his mic one more time. “Make sure you go back to that theater, Taeil. Can we start recording?”

“Let’s get it!” The singer shouted, making a hand signal and getting Johnny’s eyes to turn into half moons.

“Wait!” Donghyuck yelled before Johnny could press play. He pushed Johnny aside and started talking to the mic connected to the booth. “Before you record this… I wanna thank you, Taeil, for making all my dreams come true.” He felt his cheeks warming at the declaration, but he also had a thing for being dramatic.

Taeil chuckled against his mic: “My silly sweet little Hyuckie…” was all he said, and yet it still brought the sweet taste of apples to Donghyuck's mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for your support! this fic was very meaningful to me. i write nct social media aus and taeil centric fics 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/thegreatmoon94)
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/thegreatmoon94)
> 
> [carrd](https://gardenofwords.carrd.co/)
> 
>   
xx  
sol


End file.
